Let's see: Which Ivy League atrocity made me laugh the loudest? The Yale students who signed the petition to repeal the First Amendment? Or the PC placemats at Harvard that tell you what to say to your relatives at Christmas dinner who jeer at Harvard for getting rid of the title of house "master" because some students thought it was all about slavery?

I'm voting for the placemats myself, but the  "pickled-brained morons" (to quote Advice Goddess Amy Alkon) at Yale who signed up to abolish their constitutional right to free speech are worth a few chuckles as well. For one thing, the Yalies didn't seem to realize that the petition was actually an Ali G–style hoax in which satirist Ami Horowitz videoed them carefully explaining why it was important to get rid of the First Amendment:

In voice-over narration, Horowitz explains 'Just as a reminder, the First Amendment protects the freedom of speech, the freedom of religion, freedom of assembly, freedom of the press — and oh yeah, freedom of petition.'

A male student tells Horowitz in the video 'I think this is fantastic. I absolutely agree.'

'Excellent. Love it,' another woman says in the clip.

In one exchange with a student, Horowitz says ''Cause I think it's a living, breathing document, the Constitution, it was literally not made in stone.

'And the guys who wrote it – they were slave owners.

'What do they know about how we live today?

'So we want to change it.'…

Horowitz says in another exchange with a different student: ''Cause you shouldn't be exposed to things you don't want to hear.

'You know, that's not right.'

'Yeah,' the female student he's speaking with says.

Speaking to another student, Horowitz says: 'I appreciate that, because you know what?

'Microaggressions should not be protected, and making fun of people is not cool.

'And you know – sucks.'

'I agree,' the student says. 'Thank you for doing this.'

Horowitz was able to pick up 50 Yalie signatures for her "petition" in under 60 minutes!

Now about those "Holiday Placemats for Social Justice"–in those classic Yuletide colors of red, green, purple and orange–distributed to freshmen by Harvard's Office for Equity, Diversity and Inclusion. The idea seems to be that the Crazy Republican Uncle at the Thanksgiving table has been invited back for Christmas dinner, so it's important for Harvardians to be fed, so to speak, the politically correct response to such remarks as: "Harvard dropped the word 'master' because some dumb-butt thought it meant 'slave master'? Hoo hoo!"

When responding, the placemat suggests students say: “For some, the term master, used to describe stewardship of a group of people (such as a house), is reminiscent of slave masters and the legacy of slavery. The title, ‘House Master,’ is no longer actively associated with its historical antecedents nor is it used to address House Masters. Given the name is offensive to groups of people, it doesn’t seem onerous to change it. The mastery of a subject is an understandable use of the word. However, within our cultural and historical context, implying mastery of people feels both inappropriate and ill-founded.”

The placemat also contains a section on "Islamaphobia." Yup, this is Harvard, and they can't even spell "Islamophobia" right.

When Crazy Uncle George says:

"We shouldn't accept anyone in the US from Syria. We can't guarantee that terrorists won't infiltrate the ranks of refugees. They've already done it in France."

You're supposed to say:

"Remember the wars in Central America? They were extremely violent, and the US accepted refugees from all sides of the war with very strict vetting, and not one incident of violence."

Right, "very strict vetting"– like the kind we afforded Tashfeen Malik.

At this point in the dinner, I hope that Dad is listening in and wondering why the sky-high checks he's writing to Harvard are paying for annoying placemats instead of for teaching his kid how to think–and spell.