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December 19 2016

Hillary Clinton, Bigfoot

Charlotte Allen

From Wikipedia:

In American folklore, the "Hillary C." is a simian,[2] ape, or hominid-like creature that is said to inhabit forests, mainly in Westchester County, NY. The "Hillary C." is usually described as a large, hairy, bipedal humanoid....

Scientists discount the existence of the Hillary C. and consider it to be a combination of folklore, misidentification, and hoax,[6] rather than a living animal, because of the lack of physical evidence and the large numbers of creatures that would be necessary to maintain a breeding population.[7][8] Occasional new reports of sightings sustain a small group of self-described investigators.[9] Most reports of sightings are attributed to being various animals, particularly black bears.

Whoa, wait! Did I type in that "Hillary C." above? Oh, I am so sorry! I meant to say "Bigfoot"! Bigfoot, Bigfoot, Bigfoot! The Sasquatch! And scratch that "Westchester County, NY," too. I meant to type in "Pacific Northwest."  I get the "Wests" confused in my head sometimes. My apologies, please!

Here's why I got so darned mixed up in my mind (from the Washington Post):

The other day, Carol Meyer and her friend Ellen went walking in the woods of Chappaqua. For all they knew, they might see a coyote or some rare mushrooms or Hillary Clinton.

“I just have a sense — ” said Ellen, putting on her gloves.

“You think so?” said Carol, adjusting her scarf....

Ellen had already seen her in the woods twice since she lost the presidency, and she wasn’t the only one. Two days after the election, a young woman had spotted Clinton and taken a photo with her that went viral, leading to fake news stories alleging that the whole thing was staged, which was said to prove once again that Hillary Clinton couldn’t do anything that did not strike a false note. But Chappaquaians knew better.

In fact, photos had been popping up all over in recent weeks showing a makeup-free Clinton smiling with strangers in the pines, so many that “Saturday Night Live” did a skit called “The Hunt for Hil,” in which two investigators head off into the woods to “find her, trap her, and thank her” with the help of a forest shaman. Others scrutinizing the photos noted that in one, Clinton appeared to be wearing the same blue-patterned Patagonia fleece she had been photographed wearing in outings for 20 years....

Here's the account of Ellen's close encounters of the third kind with Bigfo--oops, I meant Hillary!

They huffed up a rocky hill and walked along a ridge. They eased down into a clearing by a half-frozen stream, which was where, two days after the election, Ellen had been walking her yellow lab Phoebe, distraught over the results and saying to herself, “If I see her, I see her” when she actually saw her, in the woods: Hillary Clinton coming around a bend.

“Bill was in front,” Ellen said. “And then here came Hillary with her poodle and then the agents. And I’m here, and then we were together, and I just said, ‘What happened?’ And she said, ‘I don’t know. I have no idea.’ And I said, ‘I really admire you. You look great. You’re wonderful.’ I stood there with my arms wide open and I’m not even a hugger and I gave her this big hug. She had on a beautiful sweater. She asked my dog’s name.”

A couple weeks later, Ellen, who calls herself “the Sacagawea of the Arboretum,” let Phoebe off her leash. The dog was bounding ahead full speed when she started barking, and then Hillary and Bill Clinton appeared again, this time with their daughter, Chelsea, Chelsea’s husband and their children.

Others claim to have seen and even talked to Bigfoot's mate, Sasquatchiana--no, sorry, I meant Hillary's husband, Bill:

Once, a Chappaquaian named Judy Fuhrer was driving along the road by the preserve, listening to an audio recording of Bill Clinton’s 1,008-page memoir. She said she was on the 13th CD when she realized that the tall white-haired man walking his dog up ahead was the former president of the United States....

It seemed like almost every Chappaquaian had some story about the time they ran into the former most powerful man in the world. They had chatted with him in the woods about Nelson Mandela’s birthday party, or at Le Jardin Du Roi bistro about the lost chance for a Middle East peace deal. When Judy Fuhrer’s son broke his arm, Clinton signed the boy’s cast. Ellen ran into him in the bookstore once and handed him her cellphone to wish her sister-in-law a happy birthday, and he had seemed glad to oblige.

Hmm, Ellen, again.

Recently, a Chappaquaian named Andy and his two dogs, Lucas and Earl, were out walking and noticed that the leaves normally covering the path appeared to have been cleared by a leaf blower, the first time he had ever seen such a thing. In the distance, he saw two men sitting too stiffly on a bench.

“I said, ‘This is odd.’ It’s more like ‘Deliverance,’ ” he said, referring to the movie. “I tried to hustle up with the boys, and that night, my wife showed me the picture.”

A picture of Hillary Clinton in the woods. He had just missed her.

But wouldn't you know--when you've got a reporter from the Washington Post in tow, the hominids just won't materialize on demand for you:

They ducked under the limbs of two skinny trees that arched over the path, and after a while, there was a rustling noise, and the sound of people talking in the distance. It was a Saturday afternoon; Ellen had almost always seen her in the afternoon. She had seen Bill at the Starbucks earlier. Maybe she was back. They pressed on, but soon the sounds vanished, and there was just the woods....

[S]oon, they reached the last part of their hike, a path winding through a marshy area of low shrubs with long yellowy leaves. The leaves looked like uncombed yellowy hair. That was what they saw now, not Hillary.

No matter. Chappaquaians believe. They want to believe.

Independent Women’s Forum’s mission is to improve the lives of Americans by increasing the number of women who value free markets and personal liberty. Sister organization of Independent Women’s Voice.
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