Independent Women's Forum - Research Areas > Sex and Dating

Sex and the Soul

info@iwf.org (Allison Kasic) — Tue, 29 Apr 2008 12:02:00 EDT

In today's Wall Street Journal, Harvey Mansfield reviews Donna Freitas' Sex and the Soul, a new book documenting the college hook up culture. There have been a host of books on the topic recently (which I think is a great thing--it's brought the hook up culture into popular dialogue) and while I haven't read Freitas' book yet, Mansfield's review makes me want to pick up a copy:

In "Sex and the Soul," Donna Freitas, an assistant professor of religion at Boston University, acutely describes this "liberated" campus culture and wisely analyzes its effects. She is especially concerned to measure conduct and expectation against the inner life of students, including their religious feeling or "spiritual" selves. Over and over again she finds a conflict that does not resolve itself happily.
According to one feminist professor of health - the head of a recent Harvard committee on student sexual relations - sex on campus should be "mature, respectful and life-affirming." But, as Ms. Freitas shows, it usually is not. Instead it degrades both women and men. Women lose their sense of having a choice, to say nothing of "autonomy," the supposed goal of sexual liberation. They feel compelled to offer a hook-up when they really want a date without the expectation of sex. And yet they fear "getting a reputation" for doing just what they are expected to do. "I felt a lot of regret . . . ," one female student tells Ms. Freitas, speaking about a hook-up experience. "I felt that I kind of just gave myself."

More here.

Major Topics with Guy Brody: Vagina Warriors

info@iwf.org (Allison Kasic) — Fri, 11 Apr 2008 17:20:00 EDT

Allison Kasic discusses "Vagina Warriors," V-Day in New Orleans, LA with host Guy Brody.

V-Day Comes to New Orleans

info@iwf.org (Carrie L. Lukas) — Thu, 10 Apr 2008 13:09:00 EDT

A major V-Day festival is coming to New Orleans this weekend. As Allison Kasic wrote on Townhall.com, while it is a wonderful thing to raise money to combat violence against women, V-Day carries with it alot of messages that aren't helpful to women:

For starters, the play is extremely anti-male. Nearly all of the men featured in the play are despicable characters. The only "positive" male character is "Bob," who enjoys staring at vaginas. It's difficult to see how that is a redeeming quality, but in the context of the play he stands out as the most worthy male.

You might not be surprised that men are stereotyped, but women are too as they are constantly treated as sex objects. The plays message, after all, is that women's path to empowerment is "embracing" their vaginas. They should aim to "be" their vaginas and discover themselves through sexual acts. The Monologues blatantly promote promiscuous behavior-a message that could be easily construed as socially irresponsible in an age where sexually transmitted diseases are on the rise among young people and women are especially vulnerable to STDs.

This is an important point. It is bizarre how some feminists and women's studies course, while objecting in theory to women being "objectified" or to the over sexualization of our culture, also embrace the message that being liberated is all about sex.

There are better ways to raise awareness about the problem of violence against women.

V-Day Comes to New Orleans

info@iwf.org (Allison Kasic) — Wed, 09 Apr 2008 13:03:00 EDT

Townhall.com

Watch out, New Orleans: "Vagina Warriors" are headed your way. This weekend V-Day will celebrate its 10th anniversary with a two-day festival in New Orleans, or "the vagina of America," as V-Day board member and actress Rosario Dawson called it at the luncheon announcing the festivities. Why New Orleans? V-Day's website says, "We need to celebrate New Orleans, cherish it, protect it, just as we do our vaginas, and make sure it goes on and on."

Celebrities, including mega-stars Katie Holmes and Oprah Winfrey, have signed on in droves to attend the vagina festival, but one wonders if they know what they are really supporting. V-Day's mission is to end violence against women, surely a noble cause. But when you look at the activities done in the name of V-Day, it's clear that this about more than just ending violence. On campus, V-Day groups sell vagina-shaped lollipops, chocolates, and t-shirts with slogans like "I love Vagina" and "A vagina by any other name would smell just as sweet." They parade around campus in vagina costumes, or in the case of the George Washington University, have a four-foot-tall "living vagina" named Joan on display. If ending violence is really the aim, V-Day's organizers have some bizarre tactics.

The New Orleans celebration is of a similar nature. The Superdome will transform into SUPERLOVE, "a place to heal, gather, celebrate and activate to change the story of women." During the event, V-Day organizers say they will "reclaim the dome, transforming it into a place of empowerment and action." Activities will include everything from slam poetry (a staple at leftist events), a parade, storytelling, and art to free massages, yoga, meditation, and makeovers. If you favor more blatantly political activities, you can celebrate "everyday activists doing extraordinary things" which will feature liberal political activists like CODE PINK co-founder Jodie Evans, or take in a panel on race and gender issues in post-Katrina Gulf South or discuss "the connections and parallels between our treatment of the earth and our treatment of women's bodies." And for those attendees who just like to boogie, Gabriella Roth will lead an "ecstatic dancing experience for all attendees."

Of course, the event will end with a performance of The Vagina Monologues, including a new monologue to be performed by Oprah Winfrey. The Monologues have always been the centerpiece of the V-Day movement, so it's worth taking a closer look at the play's content. Some people are taken aback by the often vulgar nature of the play (shouting "c*nt" on stage over and over, for example), but the material is just as disturbing.

For starters, the play is extremely anti-male. Nearly all of the men featured in the play are despicable characters. The only "positive" male character is "Bob," who enjoys staring at vaginas. It's difficult to see how that is a redeeming quality, but in the context of the play he stands out as the most worthy male.

You might not be surprised that men are stereotyped, but women are too as they are constantly treated as sex objects. The plays message, after all, is that women's path to empowerment is "embracing" their vaginas. They should aim to "be" their vaginas and discover themselves through sexual acts. The Monologues blatantly promote promiscuous behavior-a message that could be easily construed as socially irresponsible in an age where sexually transmitted diseases are on the rise among young people and women are especially vulnerable to STDs.

The women of New Orleans have certainly had a rough time recently with the devastating effects of Hurricane Katrina. It's hard to see how a vagina parade or slam poetry session will help them recover, let alone stop violence against women (there are after all, other ways to hold a fundraiser). The women of New Orleans-women everywhere actually-deserve a positive message about women and relationships. And if V-Day's past behavior is any guide, they are not capable of providing that message.

Allison Kasic is the director of R. Gaull Silberman Center for Collegiate Studies at the Independent Women's Forum.

New Hooking Up Numbers

info@iwf.org (Allison Kasic) — Mon, 07 Apr 2008 11:41:00 EDT

In Friday's Wall Street Journal, author Donna Freitas shared some new polling stats on the hookup culture from her new book, Sex and the Soul:

After conducting a national college survey of over 2,500 students, I found that among those who reported "hooking up"--a range of sexually intimate acts, from kissing to intercourse, that occurs outside a committed relationship--at Catholic and nonreligious private and public colleges and universities, 41% are profoundly upset about their behavior. The 22% of respondents who chose to describe a hook-up experience (the question was optional) used words like "dirty," "used," "regretful," "empty," "miserable," "disgusted," "ashamed," "duped," and "abused" in their answers. An additional 23% expressed ambivalence about hooking up, and the remaining 36% were more or less "fine" with it. And 45% of students at Catholic and 36% at nonreligious private and public schools say that their peers are too casual about sex.

More here.

Women Who Make the World Better: Wendy Shalit

Tue, 19 Feb 2008 14:19:00 EST

Wendy Shalit is IWF's latest member of that courageous band of women we call Women Who Make the World Better. Ms. Shalit had the courage to stand up and say some important things about the effects of the sexual revolution on young women. She knew a lot of people would think this wasn't cool. But she did it anyway. Her bestselling new book, Girls Gone Mild: Young Women Reclaim Self-Respect and Find It's Not Bad to Be Good, has been as controversial as her first, A Return to Modesty. As a result of being fearless, Wendy is one of the coolest Women Who Makes the World Better we've ever met. She sat down with IWF at the Caribou Coffee near our office and talked about her new book, her website (ModestlyYours.net) and what inspired her, before flying home to Canada, where she now lives. We thank her for her public advocacy of a more humane attitude towards sexual behavior on campus.

IWF: Our culture seems to encourage girls to be sexually active, whether they really want to or not. What has changed in our culture that makes it the norm for girls to behave in a fashion that once would have been considered "bad"?

SHALIT:Well, you know, in the '60s it was rebellious to be bad. There were always those who were "bad," and it was kind of counter-cultural. But now, these rebels of the '60s are in positions of authority, so the "badness" has become institutionalized, and it's coming from a lot of different places. It's coming from the college administrators, it's coming from the media, and it's coming, often, from parents who mean very well, but they associate happiness and maturity with racking up sexual experience and unfortunately, that's not usually the case.

IWF: In your new book, you talk about cuddle parties. What are they? Are they good for young women?

SHALIT: The cuddle party was one of the more interesting investigative things I did for the book. A cuddle party is a non-sexual environment where people can supposedly form bonds with others in a non-sexual way, and people pay admission to cuddle with strangers. And I was very suspicious that it was a non-sexual environment, but it really is not. I was expecting everyone to be very weird, to be honest, so what shocked me was how completely normal everyone was-with the exception of one guy I call "creepy married guy." Creepy married guy was just trying to cuddle everyone in ways that were perhaps more than friendly.

But all the people there seemed like nice people who just were not finding emotional connection in their own life; they were not finding real friendship, and I found that tremendously sad. We formed a circle at the end where we were told that emotions might surface after this event. Well, we're never going to see any of these people again, so to hug them and then leave-I experienced it as a very alienating and my friend who came with me said the same thing.

But to me the cuddle party represented something larger. On the one hand, casual sexual relationships are the popular thing and it's fashionable to pretend we don't have feelings, but clearly, we still do and we've got to deal with them. What I propose in my book is instead of advocating the bitch as the ideal and this pose of "being mean to other women is cool" and "committing adultery is a feminist act because we're not oppressed by these rules anymore," instead of advocating all of this nonsense which alienates women from one another, let's bring back female solidarity. Let's bring back the idea that, out of respect for you, I'm not going to flirt with your boyfriend or with your husband because he's taken.

I just got an email from someone whose marriage of many years has been shattered because her best friend is now sleeping with her husband. And it happens, unfortunately, a lot. This is not a feminist thing, this is a tragedy. So we've taken off the scarlet A and put up the scarlet M for modesty, and the girls who have more traditional values are now stigmatized. But it has not helped us, it's caused tremendous pain. I'm not advocating going back to the scarlet A, but certainly, let's end the scarlet M and the stigma against reticence. It makes a lot of sense to wait until you get to know someone before jumping into bed with him-and thinking twice before committing adultery for that matter.

IWF: Let's talk about repression. If you never repress anything sexually, don't you end up having to repress your emotions?

SHALIT: Absolutely. That's a whole chapter in my book because I'm extremely concerned. We talk about sexual repression, but no one talks about emotional repression, and that's what's being advocated by a lot of these "positive sexuality" organizations. If you look at their literature, they often observe that if you don't care in the first place, then you can never be disappointed. This is certainly true, and yet it's not a way to live life it seems to me-because it takes us away from our purpose as human beings. What they're advocating ends up becoming a jadedness contest, and for example they say that teens are "not ready" for sex until they've detached their emotions from sexuality.

You know, I've gotten a lot of flak for speaking out about it because these people are very organized, and of course the pornography industry is right there behind them. And there's no organization backing me; I'm just a lone voice. But I think it's really important to speak out because this advice is extremely damaging and girls should not take this advice. Actually, no one should: emotions are a wonderful part of us, that's what makes sex passionate-that you care-and emotionless sex is not good.

In fact, even the sex therapists are speaking out about this and they're admitting that if somebody doesn't give a hoot about you, they're not going to be giving you much attention in private either. Think about it, and it makes sense that casual sex should be so bad. That's why there's so much alcohol involved, because people are numbing their feelings. Show me a girl who says she's very happy with the hook-up scene; I challenge her to try it without alcohol and then get back to me.

IWF: One of the most charming things in your new book is how to tell your boomer parents you've decided to remain a virgin. Talk a little about that and boomer parents in general.

SHALIT: I think like all parents, they want the best for their daughters, and they've observed that those who are experienced "fit in more" since that's what's being promoted as our ideal of womanhood. They want their daughters to fit in, but unfortunately when parents say, "it's good to try the shoes on before you buy them," or they ask a daughter if she's a lesbian because she's still a virgin as a freshman in college-that's a lot of pressure. And the parents don't mean it that way, but that's unfortunately how the daughters experience it, that's what the daughters are telling me.

So there's a very interesting tension now, where the older generation, they're the ones organizing the co-ed sleepovers; they're the ones renting the hotel rooms for the prom; they're the ones buying the skanky clothing for their "prostitots."

And increasingly it's the younger generation that's saying: You know what? No, we don't want this; this is too much, and we want something more than this. I think that's encouraging; it's really encouraging.

IWF: Well, the name of your book is Girls Gone Mild. Is this because you detect that the tide is turning with the upcoming generation?

SHALIT: Oh, definitely. But the problem is the most outspoken people are always the exhibitionists, the ones who say the only way to be a feminist is to be crude about sexuality. There is a feminist slogan on T-shirts that goes, "My cooking sucks but fortunately so do I." So this idea of being casual about sex, swearing, being crude "just like a guy"- we run into it everywhere, but is it actually advancing any women in real life? I don't think so.

The first problem is: there are a lot of wonderful guys out there who are not like this. So really, we're only imitating the most adolescent male. And a lot of young women are saying, "This doesn't appeal to me," so they don't identify as feminists because they don't want to be like that. In my interviews with younger feminists-I mean the ones who do identify as feminists-they want to bring dignity back, not pile on the gross slogans.

That is what the Abercrombie controversy [when young women protested crude T-shirts sold by the apparel company] was about; the young women who didn't like the T-shirts wanted to bring the concept of self-respect back. And the company told them, "these shirts are ironic," and the girls retorted, "Well, you know what, it's not being taken that way in school." I was so encouraged in talking with these young women, because they are so much smarter-or maybe they're more intellectually honest-than all the ideologues combined.

IWF: Wendy, how did you get involved in these issues? It's not a crusade a young woman on a college campus who wants to be "cool" is going to embrace, so how did this happen back then?

SHALIT: Well, actually most of my support comes from high school and college students. A high school girl from Los Angeles started a Facebook group for Girls Gone Mild and we keep it a closed group so the discussions are productive but we have 400 active members. I think it's really important to remember that not everyone involved in promiscuous behaviors is necessarily thrilled-very often they're participating because everyone else is. They're just waiting to know that an alternative is viable.

In terms of myself, I regard myself as pretty fortunate because I had great friends in high school-and I grew up in the Midwest where you didn't necessarily have to drink to be cool, and I had a very nice social life, and I came to college pretty confident in who I was. And-no one talks about this-but I noticed when I got to Williams that it was actually the ones who didn't have as many social skills, the kids who were the most insecure in high school, who were the quickest to blend in with the hook-up scene and to agree to everything that the college and the most ridiculous groups on campus were promoting.

So when I saw situations that didn't seem right to me, I spoke up right away. I didn't understand the implications of doing this. I didn't understand that I would eventually have people who didn't know me following me and giving me "the finger"; I didn't know that I'd eventually have to move off-campus because I became such a pariah. I didn't care because I had been used to being myself and speaking out, so that's what I continued to do. But nowadays I think there is more support for the traditional-minded student-that wasn't the case when I was in college.

IWF: How do you take the vitriol your book has unleashed?

SHALIT: Well it's always someone who represents a special-interest group of some kind, and whenever such a person attacks me personally or feels the need to create a caricature and then attack me for something I never said, I just take it as a compliment and an admission of defeat. They don't have a counter-argument. And certainly if they didn't feel I was making a difference they wouldn't feel the need to vilify me. So I accept the compliment, and then I also keep a log and write the attack down-whether it's a death threat or some "prude" silliness. You'd be surprised how often it comes in handy when the same people start blathering on about how tolerant and liberal they are. It doesn't faze me anymore, but sometimes it's worth pointing out the limits of their type of "tolerance." I've been dealing with this type of reaction for a long time-ever since I opposed the coed bathrooms in college.

IWF: Wasn't that kind of the beginning of it all?

SHALIT: Most definitely. I wrote about that because I felt there was a connection between the lack of a dating scene, which many students complained about, and the lack of mystery, for example, in the bathrooms. I was told I was "not comfortable with [my] body" when I opposed the coed bathrooms. But when I wrote about it and Reader's Digest reprinted my piece [which originally appeared in Commentary] I got a ton of positive letters in response-from students on campus too-and that's really when my perspective began to change. I realized that there were so many people who actually did value the things that I valued, but they were afraid to speak up. They were intimidated because of what happens when someone stands up for modesty or privacy; they are always attacked, personally and viciously. People know that and so they decide it's not worth it.

But the funny thing is that after I graduated, I was invited back by a group of Williams students, about 200 students turned up, and many of them thanked me for changing the situation on campus. So I really wish that people would be less concerned with what other people think. You only have one life after all, and if more people would speak up about these situations that don't seem right for them instead of just going along with the herd, we would have a changed society.

There will always be smirkers, but if you realize that you can transcend them and have a hopeful message, you can reach so many people. What means more to me is the letters I get from girls who say that they were about to commit suicide, literally, and they read my book or they came to the website and they realized that they weren't alone. And why were they ready to end it? Because all the people attacking me are also attacking them for stepping outside the socially-acceptable bad-girl ideal.

So that's what motivates me to take the heat, because I feel like maybe I'm taking a bit of the heat off of them.

IWF: I understand you have launched a website to help young women who might need help navigating the sexual seas. Tell us about it.

SHALIT: Well, what motivated me was getting all these letters from girls saying that they felt so isolated at their schools and they thought there was something wrong with them because they just wanted to meet the right person and they didn't want to hook up. And I thought: Wouldn't it be great to organize these girls and have them form alliances and exchange ideas and know that they're not alone?

Way back in 1999, iVillage hosted a forum for me. I was really enjoying hearing from people, but then all of a sudden, this one person started writing all in capital letters and attacking a particular girl and saying that they were "outraged" that iVillage would even host this discussion on modesty. And eventually, because participants were being attacked, the discussion petered out; and finally iVillage had to take it down because it became just so unpleasant.

And I thought it was such a shame because these smirkers and exhibitionists are not even in the majority, yet they always dominate the conversation. And I thought: Wouldn't it be cool to have a space online that would be safe, where girls and women could come and exchange ideas, and we just won't publish the death threats and the attacks, and therefore they'll feel that they can come back and feel encouraged in their high standards?

And so that's the idea behind our group blog [ModestlyYours.Net] because unlike the herds of people who have nothing better to do than attack people all day, most people who believe in modesty and love, I find, have very full lives. So this way, busy moms & busy students can every once in awhile write a thoughtful blog and it's certainly been a very interesting conversation.

IWF: How has it affected your writing?

SHALIT:Well, my new book is about how the real rebels today are the good girls. And someone asked me why I quote so much material from the girls' lives instead of philosophers like Rousseau and Hume-whom they had preferred reading about in my first book. They regarded the philosophers as more "important." Well, when you become a mother you have such little time. And so you really have to ask yourself where you're going to devote your efforts. When I was younger, I was more concerned about seeming smart, and I guess that's just not important to me anymore. As a stay-at-home mom who writes during nap-time, I'm not really interested in impressing anyone; I'm just trying to use the time I have to help people in some way.

Sure, there is a certain type of person who cares about Rousseau's views on modesty and that's fine-I was a philosophy major so obviously I care about that stuff too. But in general, when a girl reads about another girl who stood up to her friends who were making fun of her, and she just went her own way, that has a much bigger impact. So that's what my second book is about: talking to these role models in person and finding out where they got that courage.

The Terry Lowry Show: Hooking Up!

info@iwf.org (Carrie L. Lukas) — Fri, 15 Feb 2008 15:19:00 EST

Who won the sexual revolution? Not young women who live in the world of "hooking up," the modern campus alternative to dating. Young women complain to us that dating has become an anachronism. Instead of chivalry and courtship, college relationships are more often nothing more than awkward drunken make-out sessions. Carrie Lukas, with the Independent Women's Forum, www.IWF.org, encourages everyone to pray for their children and grandchildren. Terry Lowry, our host, encourages everyone to live a ‘pure life'.

The Andy Caldwell Show: Take Back the Date

info@iwf.org (Allison Kasic) — Fri, 15 Feb 2008 12:57:00 EST

Listen to Allison Kasic discuss the hook-up culture on college campuses with KINF's The Andy Caldwell Show. Learn more information about Take Back the Date here.

Take Back the Date

info@iwf.org (Carrie L. Lukas) — Wed, 13 Feb 2008 12:44:00 EST

IWF's Allison Kasic has her own take on the problems with the V-Day phenomenon on Townhall today:

On campus the holiday has become a more ominous occasion, serving as a striking reminder of just how dysfunctional the collegiate dating scene has become. Gone are candlelit dinners and a night out on the town. Dating, in general, is an endangered species on campus. In its stead is the hook-up: casual physical encounters, ranging from kissing to sex, with no expectation of commitment.

The hook-up culture has real harmful effects, especially on women. Women are more physically vulnerable to sex, running the risk of getting pregnancy and more likely to contract many sexually transmitted diseases. Many also face emotional distress associated with casual sex-women may tell themselves that it's no big deal, but their bodies and hormones signal otherwise. Many young women are left feeling confused and depressed.

Allison highlights the irony that it is women--supposedly feminists no less--that are encouraging the objectification of women:

One would expect campus feminists to rally on this issue and protest a culture that could be properly cast as demeaning. But you'll be lucky to hear a peep from most campus feminists on the issue. They are too busy parading around campus with a 4-foot "living vagina" named "Joan" (That's at George Washington University), hosting a "Panty Drop Sock Hop: Benefiting Vagina's Everywhere" party (University of North Texas), selling "I love Vagina" t-shirts (Bucknell University), or playing a rousing game of "sex toy bingo" (University of Delaware). They might also be busy performing The Vagina Monologues (which visits hundreds of campuses each year) or hosting a performance of the Sex Workers Art Show (which is scheduled to visit at least 14 campuses this spring).

If it were men's groups that were promoting these events, no doubt they would be visited with sit-ins, protests, and would eventually be forced off campus. But it's women's group sponsoring these events that either play into the hook-up culture or blatantly promote it. The Sex Workers Art Show is a "celebration of whore culture." Performers (strippers, porn film stars, sex phone operators, etc.) parade around stage in little, if any, clothing engaging in a series of R-rated skits. The Vagina Monologues glorifies promiscuity and treats women as sex objects. Women should "embrace" their vaginas, "be" their vaginas. Women are literally defined by, and reduced to their genitalia. Women on campus deserve better from these so-called feminists.

Read the whole piece here.

V-Day

info@iwf.org (Allison Kasic) — Wed, 13 Feb 2008 12:33:00 EST

It's that time of year when Valentine's Day becomes "V-Day" on college campuses. Jenna Ashley Robinson of the Pope Center for Higher Education Policy provides some good commentary on the event:

Unfortunately, V-Day's outrageous tactics make a mockery of the serious issues facing women around the world. Armed with the knowledge that "sex sells," V-Day raises money-but not respect-for women's issues.

...

Consider The Vagina Monologues, V-Day's signature event. This is not about combating violence; in fact, it's exactly what the title implies: women waxing philosophical about their private parts before a paying audience. Random House, the play's publisher, describes it as a compendium of women's stories of "intimacy, vulnerability and sexual self-discovery." It features women-representing vaginas-who speak out from the stage about their experiences and preferences. The stories explore sexual fantasies, fears and experimentation. Of all the sexual encounters described in Ensler's book and on the stage, only two involve intimacy with men. One grateful actress concludes, "I'll never need to rely on a man."

But instead of embracing the play as "emancipating," feminists should be horrified over this sexual objectification of women. The play strips away any modesty, mystery, or dignity from sexual acts, just as it severs the connection between emotional and physical love. The Vagina Monologues represents sexual objectification-of women, by women.

(Emphasis mine) Read more here.

Take Back the Date

info@iwf.org (Allison Kasic) — Wed, 13 Feb 2008 12:14:00 EST

Townhall.com

Valentine's Day has something for everyone: elementary school children can exchange Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and Winnie the Pooh valentines; couples plan romantic dates; flower sales surge; groups of friends get together to watch the latest romantic comedy on DVD; and, there is always candy. Everyone likes candy. Even cynics can rejoice in their hatred of Valentine's Day - there is a growing market for "anti-Valentine's Day" products, such as candy hearts and greeting cards with snarky messages about relationships.

On campus the holiday has become a more ominous occasion, serving as a striking reminder of just how dysfunctional the collegiate dating scene has become. Gone are candlelit dinners and a night out on the town. Dating, in general, is an endangered species on campus. In its stead is the hook-up: casual physical encounters, ranging from kissing to sex, with no expectation of commitment.

The hook-up culture has real harmful effects, especially on women. Women are more physically vulnerable to sex, running the risk of getting pregnancy and more likely to contract many sexually transmitted diseases. Many also face emotional distress associated with casual sex-women may tell themselves that it's no big deal, but their bodies and hormones signal otherwise. Many young women are left feeling confused and depressed.

Thanks in large part to several books on the subject, the negative effects of the hook-up culture are making their way into popular dialogue. Laura Sessions Steep, author of Unhooked: How Young Women Pursue Sex, Delay Love, and Lose at Both, sums up the hook-up scene in this way, "Love, while desired by some, is being put on hold or seen as impossible; sex is becoming the primary currency of social interaction. Some girls can handle this; others...are exhausted physically, emotionally and spiritually by it. They struggle largely outside the awareness of parents who either don't know what is going on or are vaguely aware but don't know what to do."

One would expect campus feminists to rally on this issue and protest a culture that could be properly cast as demeaning. But you'll be lucky to hear a peep from most campus feminists on the issue. They are too busy parading around campus with a 4-foot "living vagina" named "Joan" (That's at George Washington University), hosting a "Panty Drop Sock Hop: Benefiting Vagina's Everywhere" party (University of North Texas), selling "I love Vagina" t-shirts (Bucknell University), or playing a rousing game of "sex toy bingo" (University of Delaware). They might also be busy performing The Vagina Monologues (which visits hundreds of campuses each year) or hosting a performance of the Sex Workers Art Show (which is scheduled to visit at least 14 campuses this spring).

If it were men's groups that were promoting these events, no doubt they would be visited with sit-ins, protests, and would eventually be forced off campus. But it's women's group sponsoring these events that either play into the hook-up culture or blatantly promote it. The Sex Workers Art Show is a "celebration of whore culture." Performers (strippers, porn film stars, sex phone operators, etc.) parade around stage in little, if any, clothing engaging in a series of R-rated skits. The Vagina Monologues glorifies promiscuity and treats women as sex objects. Women should "embrace" their vaginas, "be" their vaginas. Women are literally defined by, and reduced to their genitalia. Women on campus deserve better from these so-called feminists.

Luckily, all is not lost. Students don't have to buy into a hyper-sexualized Valentine's Day and feminist movement. Students fed up with the hook-up culture can "take back the date." If you like someone, ask them out on a real date. Celebrate romance. Reject the notion that it is empowering to detach sex from emotion. The power to transform the hook-up culture rests with individual students, and there is no better time to start than Valentine's Day.

Allison Kasic is the director of R. Gaull Silberman Center for Collegiate Studies at the Independent Women's Forum.

More on Strippers and Duke

info@iwf.org (Allison Kasic) — Mon, 11 Feb 2008 13:09:00 EST

In his column today, Stuart Taylor takes a closer look at the recent Sex Workers' Art Show that played at Duke University on Feb. 3rd. Following the lacrosse scandal, the university adopted a rule that stated: "Strippers may not be invited or paid to perform at events sponsored by individual students, residential living groups, or cohesive units." Taylor decided to ask the school why they broke their own rule:

Duke Provost Peter Lange, responding to my e-mailed questions, explained that the sponsors had followed normal procedures to get university funds and facilities. Duke "routinely hosts shows and speakers that some people find controversial or even objectionable," he wrote, as part of its "strong commitment to free speech and academic freedom." He added that the university takes no position on the views expressed.

Fair enough. But how can the Duke administration reconcile its solicitude for the right of some groups to pay strippers to perform with its disdain for lacrosse players who did the same?

"There is an obvious difference," Lange responded, "between strippers performing at a private party and a group of artists touring university campuses across the country to present a show with political discussion, musical theater, and displays of sexuality."

So people who take off their clothes and dance for money while others watch are not mere strippers, but rather "artists," if they go on tour, call it "musical theater," and toss in scatological and vulgar political effusions?

In other words, if you have politically correct motives, strippers are welcome at Duke:

While the show portrayed "sex workers" as both artistic "geniuses" and victims of society, males who pay strippers to perform had better have politically correct motives. The Sex Workers Art Show passed the political correctness test because, in the words of its website, it not only "entertains, arouses, and amazes" but also offers "scathing and insightful commentary on notions of class, race, gender, labor, and sexuality."

As if the nation's campuses were not sufficiently steeped in such stuff already.

More here.

Strippers at Duke

info@iwf.org (Allison Kasic) — Tue, 05 Feb 2008 15:08:00 EST

No, not those strippers.

On Sunday, Duke University hosted a performance of the Sex Workers' Art Show, featuring, among other things, strippers. Jay Schalin has a full report over at the Pope Center:

You would think Duke University might be a little cautious about paying strippers to perform on campus. After all, there was that little incident that happened about two years ago -- something to do with a couple of strippers and some lacrosse players.

But inviting strippers to perform does not appear to be a problem as long as the intent is not to titillate men, but to shock a mixed audience with vulgarity and disparage mainstream American values. In the latter case, the university is quite willing to pay, despite a regulation reintroduced into the Bulletin of Information and Regulations after the lacrosse case that explicitly states "strippers may not be invited or paid to perform at events sponsored by individual students, residential living groups, or cohesive units."

More here.

(Flashback: here's my 2006 commentary on the Sex Workers' Art Show at my alma mater, Bucknell University)

Where is the Love?

info@iwf.org (Allison Kasic) — Mon, 04 Feb 2008 13:30:00 EST

Sue Shellenbarger had a great article in the Wall Street Journal last week about the changing demographics of and attitudes about marriage:

Remember the movie "Love Story" and its star-crossed student lovers? Such torrid campus romances may be becoming a thing of the past. College life has become so competitive, and students so focused on careers, that many aren't looking for spouses anymore.
Replacing college as the top marital hunting ground is the office. Only 14% of people who are married or in a relationship say they met their partners in school or college, says a 2006 Harris Interactive study of 2,985 adults; 18% met at work. That's a reversal from 15 years ago, when 23% of married couples reported meeting in school or college and only 15% cited work, according to a 1992 study of 3,432 adults by the University of Chicago.

Shellenbarger points to a number of factors behind this shift, including that young people are increasingly delaying marriage in general, but focuses mainly on the effects of the pressure to obtain a graduate degree or otherwise climb the corporate latter quickly:

Also at work is "credential inflation" -- an increase in the qualifications required for many skilled jobs, says Janet Lever, a sociology professor at California State University, Los Angeles. Many young adults want the flexibility to relocate freely and immerse themselves in new work and educational opportunities before making room for marriage and family. As a result, students favor "light relationships that aren't going to compromise where they go to grad school or which job they take," she says.
Cody Cheetham, 22, a Purdue senior, is looking for a marketing job after she graduates in May and plans on getting an MBA. "A lot of us don't even know where we're going to be living six months after we graduate," she says. "We don't want to bring another person into the chaos of our lives."

That last point often goes unnoticed, but I think Shellenbarger is right on. It meshes nicely with the student interviews from Unhooked. The sad truth is that many young men and women view a committed relationship as a distraction to their academic and professional goals.

More here.

Take Back the Date: Student Stories

Fri, 25 Jan 2008 16:42:00 EST

Looking for inspiration to get ready for IWF's annual Valentine's Day campaign, Take Back the Date? Look no further than the following student stories from years past. If you want to get involved in this year's campaign, email Allison Kasic at campus@iwf.org.

Smith College-Northampton, Massachusetts

"Doesn't the issue of violence against women deserve better than this?" asked one of the many signs posted across Smith College's campus in response to the College's production of Eve Ensler's controversial play, The Vagina Monologues. For the first time in almost six years of Ensler's play appearing on campus a group of bold Smithies decided to finally question it.

"Although the cause these women are raising money for makes sense, the play doesn't. If a campus full of some of America's smartest women has to be shocked into donating money to women's violence prevention organizations I have to ask: where did we go wrong?" questioned Sara Gordon, chief-of-staff for the Smith College Republicans.

Members of the Smith College Republicans came together to oppose the play via posters and a debate, as well as talking to Smithies on campus about why this play is offensive and vulgar. "[The play] is advocating that women not use their minds, but their bodies," said Kirsten Steinke, a member of the Republicans who stepped up to the challenge of debating members of the Smith Feminists. But Kirsten and her fellow Republican comrade, Alexandra Ferrara, not only faced the feminists, but the College's administration as well. "Some questions posed by the administration made me wonder if the administration was actually being neutral in this debate, it seemed as if they had already chosen the side of the feminists," said Alexandra. Post-debate these two women faced a crowd of angry Smithies, a few of whom decided they would spit on the Republicans who spoke. "It was awful-but at the same time, if we don't question it, who will?" Alexandra concluded.

The ladies of the club received much publicity for their activism and were featured in the Smith College Sophian, the Maine College Republican's Pachyderm Press, and the Smith Alumnae Quarterly.

Bucknell University-Lewisburg, Pennsylvania

Each February at Bucknell University, unsuspecting students are caught off guard by the antics of the campus' radical feminists. These young women, who claim their goal is to prevent violence, litter the campus with feminist propaganda, including posters that read, "What does your vagina smell like?" They also print t-shirts with the slogan: "I ♥ Vagina," and loudly chant vulgar profanities about their intimate anatomy. Of course, the centerpiece of V-Day is Eve Ensler's play, The Vagina Monologues.

Last year, the Bucknell University Conservatives Club decided to take an active stance on this issue. During the V-Day festivities, members of the Conservatives Club purchased carnations from a local florist and sold them in the student center. Students, faculty, and staff bought the flowers and filled out a card with the recipient's name, residence, and a sweet message. Within a few hours, 150 carnations had been sold! To help bring back some of the romance the feminists tried to take away from Valentine's Day, the Conservatives Club hand delivered (in formal attire) the carnations to their recipients. All proceeds were donated to the Susquehanna Valley Women in Transition, a shelter for battered women.

The Bucknell Conservatives showed that there are nicer ways than a vulgar play to raise money to end violence against women.

Framingham State College-Framingham, Massachusetts

At Framingham State College a group of conservative students protested The Vagina Monologues. The school administration told the group that no more than five students could participate in the protest; otherwise they would have to pay for their own security. The students were provoked, yelled at, and threatened by Leftists throughout the protest. A group of liberal students even started a vagina chant: "I don't know what I've been told, vaginas are good as gold. I don't know what I've been told, I love vaginas young and old." When the protestors attempted to give Vagina Monologues cast members pink and red balloons to commemorate Valentine's Day, they were told to "go to hell."

Drake University-Des Moines, Iowa

The newly formed Network of enlightened Women (N.e.W.) chapter at Drake University decided something had to be done to counteract the three-day marathon of The Vagina Monologues on campus in the spring of 2006.

N.e.W. hosted a series of anti-V-Day activities, spanning three days. The festivities kicked off on Thursday night with a panel featuring Marlys Popma. Friday was a casual conservative girls' night out-dinner and a movie. Saturday afternoon the Iowa National Guard came and sponsored a self-defense workshop. The event was a big hit. The neon pink flyers printed for this event-the silhouette of a curvaceous woman next to the words "self defense: that's hott"-caused a lot of debate on campus, especially in women's studies classes. Though an open initiation was extended to every woman on campus, no "Vagina Warriors" attended.

The response to these alternative V-Day activities was not pretty. An exceptionally imperious Vagina Warrior/Womyn's Awareness Coalition (WAC) member crashed the N.e.W. meeting at which members were planning their activities and demanded to see all their materials. Many posters advertising the weekend's events were vandalized or town down.

"There is a reason we put ourselves on the line instead of standing idly," outgoing N.e.W. president Danielle Sturgis said. "Students-and women particularly-must see that these women so obsessed with male patriarchy and female genitalia do not have a monopoly on thought at Drake."

Michigan State University-East Lansing, Michigan

When Michigan State senior Katie Wilcox sent a letter to the editor to the school paper, she could hardly predict the controversy she would spark. Katie's letter sparked a weeklong firestorm in the State News.

"The only thing that bothered me about all of this is that I am totally against censorship and I never called for [the play] to end. I just felt that it shouldn't be funded and promoted by the university," said Wilcox. "The attacks got very personal. I even had professors mentioning how much people hate me in the paper."

But Katie didn't let the critics get to her. "I'm really glad I got my letter in the paper though, because that was the only public dissent with the Monologues. Unfortunately, it has become pretty accepted on campus," she said.

University of Delaware-Newark, Delaware

At the University of Delaware, radical feminists aren't content to merely poison Valentine's Day with The Vagina Monologues. In addition to the vulgar play, they also sponsor an annual "Sex Toy Bingo" event.

In the News: Speech , study analyze Duke hook-ups

Mon, 15 Oct 2007 10:18:00 EDT

The Chronicle

By Ally Helmers

Casual sex is increasingly described as the normative form of romantic relationships on campuses, said Suzanne Shanahan, associate director of the Kenan Institute of Ethics and assistant professor of sociology.

Shanahan led the presentation "Love on the Quad: Romantic Relationships," Saturday to an audience of Duke's Half-Century Club members, who attended the event as a part of Homecoming Weekend activities. In a cross-disciplinary research study, Shanahan examined the changing relationships among students at Duke and other college campuses, along with the concept of a "hook-up" and its effects on student interaction.

"Popular press has become obsessed with the hook-up culture of young people," she said.

According to a report produced for the Independent Women's Forum in 2001, 91 percent of college women surveyed on campuses nationwide described their school as having a "salient hook-up culture," Shanahan added. Other surveys found that approximately 70 to 80 percent of college students engaged in intercourse with a casual sex partner during the previous year.

The study aims not only to define "hook-up," but also to understand how students' environments affect their decisions and perceptions of relationships.

"We are just getting underway with our systematic work at Duke-so much is still speculative," Shanahan said. "[In the winter] we hope to bring the survey findings back to the students to think them through."

Some Half-Century Club audience members such as Tom Cottingham, Trinity '37, said they found the statistics "fascinating." For an audience familiar with the transient relationships of past campus culture, the prevalence of a casual romantic interaction is still surprising, he said.

A few current Duke students said, however, that they are not at all surprised.

"I don't really know anyone who is in a relationship with someone here," freshman Jessie Mark said. "There's drama because one person always wants more."

Generally, females are more likely than males to prefer a relationship to a "hook-up," Shanahan said. Her research found that only 40 percent of women surveyed had themselves participated in casual sex during the previous year-a contrast to the percentage engaging in casual intercourse as a whole.

"Right now, I'd rather be in a relationship than not," Mark said. "I'm not trying to be that crazy girl at Shooters."

For first-year students like Mark, entering college is like taking a break from your life course, Shanahan said to a crowd of Duke alumni nodding in agreement.

"There's a periodicity involved in participation," she added. "Freshman and sophomores tend to participate more than juniors and seniors."

Nastassja Marshall, a junior, has witnessed her peers move each year from hooking up to entering into relationships.

"Freshman year makes you want to go out and explore," she said. "By junior year, people have realized what they want in a relationship."

Jonathan Schwartz, a senior, said he has also noticed the changing ideas of relationships on campus.

"I know a lot of people who got in a relationship after their freshman year," he said. "They have been together since and are just hoping for that long-term commitment."

Another cause of "relationship avoidance" is students' sense that long-term, committed relationships get in the way of other activities in which they want to engage during college, Shanahan said. University students are often over-committed, and they instead anticipate getting into a relationship shortly after graduation.

"Relationships may be too time-consuming and distracting for some people," Schwartz said, explaining his peers' preference for non-commitment.

Mark, commenting on her opinion of the campus "hook-up" scene, agreed.

"People are trying to have fun without the complications of a relationship," she said.

The Michael Dresser Show: The Hook-Up Culture on College Campuses

info@iwf.org (Allison Kasic) — Mon, 20 Aug 2007 15:27:00 EDT

IWF Director of Campus Programs Allison Kasic joins The Michael Dresser Show today to discuss the hook-up culture on college campuses.

The Right Balance: IWF's Annual Sex & Dating Conference with Drew Pinsky

info@iwf.org (Anne Trenolone) — Thu, 19 Jul 2007 14:13:00 EDT

Issues Anne Trenolone will join the radio program The Right Balance to discuss IWF's Annual Sex & Dating Conference with Dr. Drew Pinsky.

A Letter from the President on the Fifth Annual Sex and Dating Conference

Wed, 18 Jul 2007 00:00:00 EDT

Dear IWF Supporter,

The reviews are in! This year's Sex and Dating Conference for Capitol Hill interns was the best ever. Not only did we garner an unprecedented amount of media coverage- including a major piece on page A2 of The Washington Post-we felt that the interns who showed up were eager for a serious discussion of sex and dating mores in a safe atmosphere.

We also received great coverage from National Review, and, interestingly enough, our sex and dating event triggered a debate between National Review and The Washington Post on what the IWF event actually meant. Here is how National Review began its account of the event:

"Are the culture wars over? The Washington Post's Dana Milbank would have his readers think so. After attending an event sponsored by the Independent Women's Forum (IWF) on Capitol Hill Monday, featuring Dr. Drew Pinsky of Loveline fame, Milbank concludes, 'A truce may be imminent [in the culture wars].' But Milbank's breezy sketch (a 'Washington Sketch,' one might say) of the IWF event is an inaccurate portrait of not only the event, but also of the state of the culture wars in general."

The Post's Dana Milbank had given quite a racy recap on our event, which National Review found inaccurate. National Review went on to report on our event in general:

[Dr. Drew] bemoaned the culture of hookups on college campuses. 'For the first time in human history, we're unhinged from our biology,' he said, 'and that's profound.'

He spoke of how a booze-fueled culture of hooking up on college campuses is unhealthy, for both men and women. The only reason alcohol is involved, Pinsky said, was because the situation was so 'unnaturally intense.' Men drink to suppress their anxiety in approaching women, he said, and women drink to abandon their tendency to associate emotions with physical relations.

But Dr. Drew is no Dr. James Dobson. He is a physician, not a politician or pastor, and made that abundantly clear throughout his speech. He repeatedly advised the audience of which points of his speech were expert medical opinions, and which were personal opinions. Milbank, however, makes him out to be a deeply entrenched cultural warrior masquerading as a doctor. Does this sound like 'Dr.' Dobson? 'Shortcoming or not, I'm careful not to make judgments,' Pinsky told National Review Online after his speech. 'I encourage young people to look at things and then make healthy decisions.'

And that is what IWF was trying to do, too. And we know we're hitting home runs when two important media outlets are debating our Sex and Dating Conference. We could not be more pleased, even if we didn't quite recognize ourselves in Mr. Milbank's coverage, we were delighted to have him there.

This was our fifth Sex and Dating Conference, and in the capable hands of Campus Director Allison Kasic, it was a success from soup to nuts. We must admit that this event has never quite received this much attention, and we are delighted.

At IWF, we have long believed that it is desirable to bring back the date---as opposed to the hook up. We felt that, without offering judgments, Dr. Drew Pinsky, led a thoughtful-and fun-discussion of campus mores. He repeatedly asked if hooking up is such a good idea, why is it that students find they must be intoxicated to hook up?

We have to admit that we were pleased that Dr. Drew praised IWF's work, citing in particular our ground- breaking study, Hooking Up, Hanging Out, and Hoping for Mr. Right---College Women on Mating and Dating Today. The interns listened with rapt attention, while munching on cookies and other refreshments. Over 50 attended and they all seemed to find the discussion meaningful.

But don't take our word for it. Read the rest of the reviews. The Washington Examiner published an excellent report. It quoted Dr. Drew telling the interns that with hooking up, "There's never a relationship, and it's always while intoxicated."

We all agreed that the Washington Times' Inside the Beltway column also understood the event. The article noted that questions posed to Dr. Drew "revealed an earnest interest in discussing the attitudes that lie behind the prevalent college hook-up culture." It was an excellent report, and we urge you to read it in its entirety.

Not to be outdone, Allison herself penned a lively report on the conference for Human Events. She sounded the theme of the conference, quoting Dr. Drew saying, "Emotional instincts run counter to the hook-up experience, so women medicate them away." Allison says that it's clear from the questions and conversations at the conference that college students know that hooking up isn't healthy and "yet they aren't sure how to change the culture."

With this year's conference officially a roaring success, we're already looking forward to IWF's sixth Sex and Dating Conference to be held this time next year!

As you know, IWF depends on the support of our friends like you to put on these events throughout the year. We hope you will consider a special tax-deductible contribution to support our campus program today.

Sincerely,

Michelle D. Bernard
President and CEO
Independent Women's Forum

Sex on the Hill

info@iwf.org (Allison Kasic) — Wed, 18 Jul 2007 00:00:00 EDT

Human Events Online

With yet another sex scandal rocking Capitol Hill, it's easy to think that we are losing the culture war. The D.C. Madam is just the latest in a long stream of unsavory sexual exploits. Last year it was "Foleygate," featuring emails between a Member and Congressional pages, before that it was Hill Staffer Jessica Cutler's steamy Washingtonienne blog, and the list could go on. Cable news features a drum beat of bad behavior, from teachers molesting students to the antics of Paris Hilton and Brittany Spears.

It isn't just celebrities and politicians that are affected by the current sexual mores. The situation on college campuses isn't much better than it is in Hollywood or Capitol Hill. When adults hear that an on-campus relationship is more likely to resemble a drunken Cancun spring break hook up than the traditional courtship of the past -- they are often shocked or depressed. But adults shouldn't give up on the younger generation just yet.

Not all students are satisfied with the hook-up culture that dominates campus life. Earlier this week popular Loveline radio host Dr. Drew Pinsky took to Capitol Hill to educate local interns, students, and young professionals on how to navigate the intense social pressures of campus life. His message: Trust your instincts.

"If hooking up is so great, why do you have to be drunk to do it?" he asked the crowd. The silence that followed drove home his point. If they were sober, they'd make different decisions. If given a choice, they'd prefer to be in an emotional relationship.

The crowd's response was consistent with the landmark study published by the Independent Women's Forum on the campus social scene, Hooking Up, Hanging Out, and Hoping for Mr. Right. Women perceive three options for on-campus relations: a "hook-up," a "joined at the hip" relationship, or "friends with benefits." The first is a purposefully vague term for a commitment-free physical encounter (including anything from kissing to having sex). The second is a rapidly developing relationship which skips the critical courtship phase. As Dr. Drew says, "there is no evaluative process involved." The third often "looks good on paper" but is invariably bound for failure. Many college students, particularly women, look at that list of options and aren't satisfied.

One woman at the conference said that you have to get drunk before hooking up because it is so unnatural -- hooking up is akin to abandoning her core self. Dr. Drew confirmed that this is a common response from females: "Emotional instincts run counter to the hook-up experience, so women medicate them away." If they were sober, they would make different decisions. A young male in the crowd said he needed to get drunk before a hook-up to medicate the anxiety associated with closeness and rejection. It is clear from this conversation that college students know that this isn't healthy behavior (both emotionally and physically), and yet they aren't sure how to change the culture.

Conversations like the one led by Dr. Drew are an important first step in changing the culture, helping student realize that they aren't alone in their desire for something different. But parents also have to be a part of this message.

The sad truth is that adults often shy away from talking about these issues. Parents constantly underestimate the influence they have in their children's lives. This is entirely the wrong approach. We need more, not less, people talking about these important issues.

It's easy to think that the culture wars are a lost cause. But getting young people to talk about these issues is the first step towards a less course culture. This week's discussion on Capitol Hill was a step in the right direction, but we should all do our part in bringing this debate into the light.

Fifth Annual Sex and Dating Conference Re-Cap

Wed, 18 Jul 2007 00:00:00 EDT

By Elise Viebeck

As DC lunch conferences go, Monday's two-hour discussion with Dr. Drew Pinsky was an anomaly. A sex talk in the Rayburn House Office Building? Those don't happen often, do they?

Then again, maybe not. IWF's annual Campus Sex and Dating Conference acknowledges an undercurrent present not only on the Hill, but around the water-cooler in most DC offices, one that is only intensified by the mass influx of college-aged interns.

This is the gossip that greases every work environment, and is now inextricably connected with the practice of "hooking up." The hook-up culture is a development that affects even the most high-achieving college students, like the 60 or so present at the conference, and is essential to understanding college social dynamics.

Having built a career on ignoring taboos ("It was my deepest instinct that someone needed to sit down and talk about these things"), Pinsky advocates for openness and careful consideration of these topics. He himself is most famous for his role as host of the radio program and former MTV segment, Loveline, where he answers callers' questions about sex, drugs and relationships. The popular show is heard in over 70 markets and began in 1983 with then-medical student Pinsky joining for the "Ask a Surgeon" segment in 1984. Outside of his radio personality, he is also the Program Medical Director of Chemical Dependency at Las Encinas Hospital and a professor of psychiatry at USC.

His premise for discussion was a study commissioned by IWF which examined the "attitudes and values of today's college women regarding sexuality, dating, courtship and marriage" (see Hooking Up below.) Results of over 1,000 interviews show that college women still prioritize marriage as a life goal and usually hope to find their spouse during college.

These interviews also yielded the admission that the college social scene tends to undermine the realization of this goal. Today's college students perceive three major options as a stand-in for a more traditional, monogamous relationship. Most common are the hook-up, an "intoxicated physical encounter with no commitment," the "friends with benefits" arrangement, and a "joined at the hip" relationship, where a commitment happens quickly and with "no real evaluative process."

A college campus is an "unnaturally intense social environment," Pinsky noted, where drugs and alcohol act as "medication" for these choices. Hooking-up, the most common solution, requires that men "medicate the anxiety associated with closeness and rejection," which are both inherent components of the experience. Women, on the other hand, find that their instinctive desire for commitment runs counter to the entire practice, so they "medicate them away."

In the past, women's spontaneous sexual behavior would have frequently led to pregnancy, disease and even death. Women are now literally "unhinged from previous biological constrictions," said Pinsky-- though this has not made their fundamental neurological reactions to sex the same as men's.

Addressing the emotion women instinctively attach to sex, Pinsky noted that "intimate dialogue is healthy for the human being, it's verifiable brain activity" as the right brain reacts to facial expressions during a conversation. Current cultural norms instead promote electronic interaction-- the "pseudo intimacy" of text messaging and online chatting.

Though Pinsky took care not to moralize the discussion, he did encourage students to create their own solutions and to keep in mind the emotional tension and attrition inherent in the hook-up culture. "We all have an internal voice that does not lead us wrong," he said, and that it is easier to hear "if you live with integrity."

For more accounts of the conference, see:
-Dana Milbank at the Washington Post
-Michael O'Brien at National Review Online
-John McCaslin at the Washington Times
-The Washington Examiner
-The Hill Newspaper
-Allison Kasic at Human Events Online

Sex and the Conservative

Tue, 17 Jul 2007 00:00:00 EDT

The Washington Post

By Dana Milbank
A02

The culture wars just aren't what they used to be.

Hours before Sen. David Vitter (R-D.C. Madam) emerged from hiding yesterday, the conservative Independent Women's Forum held a "Campus Sex and Dating Conference" in the Rayburn House Office Building. The promotion for the event, hosted by House Minority Leader John Boehner, showed a woman with her eyes closed in a state of ecstasy. Out of her mouth came the words "Attention Interns"! The flier promised an appearance by Dr. Drew Pinsky of MTV fame, followed by a "Fabulous Door Prize."

For more on Dr. Drew, go to his Web site, http://www.drdrew.com, click on "Ask Dr.'s Office" and read the first several items under "Ask a Question." The first is about painful intercourse, the second is about excessive sex drive, and the third is about the merits of "another threeway."

This is not your mother's conservative movement.

Perhaps it was inevitable at a time when the front-runner for the Republican presidential nomination supports legal abortion and gay rights and has on numerous occasions dressed up as a woman. Whatever the reason, social conservatives appear unusually permissive these days.

Vitter, a Louisiana Republican, admitted last week that his number was in the phone records of the "D.C. Madam," who has been accused by the Justice Department of running a prostitution ring, and apologized for his "very serious sin. After a week in hiding -- and only muted criticism from conservatives -- Vitter emerged yesterday in a Louisiana hotel with a statement more defiant than contrite.

"Unfortunately, my admission has encouraged some longtime political enemies and those hoping to profit from the situation to spread falsehoods," he said after an opening apology. "I'm not going to answer endless questions about it all over again and again and again and again," he added. "I'll be helping finalize a crucial water-resources bill to provide much better hurricane and flood protection."

The senator's wife stood at his side, and then took over the microphone. "I stand before you to tell you very proudly: I am proud to be Wendy Vitter," she said, scolding the media for stalking Vitter since he disappeared from view a week ago. "I would ask you very respectfully to let us continue our summer and our lives as we had planned."

Then there was Pinsky, who stood behind a weathered House lectern yesterday in the Rayburn building with a blue curtain behind him and an American flag at his left elbow. He asked the audience of mostly Hill interns what they thought was the most frequent question he got from men.

A young woman in a pink blouse and black jacket guessed: Genital size?

The sex expert concurred: "Young men tend to be calling about adequacy," such as "Do I last long enough?" Women, he said, ask things such as "Why is he so into lesbians?"

The presentation was, perhaps, a bit on the edge for a group that was formed in response to the Clarence Thomas confirmation battle and lists Lynne Cheney as a former director. On the other hand, it's not likely the Independent Women's Forum would have lured more than 50 young interns to an "abstinence-only" session.

The conservative National Review several years ago described Pinsky, host of the radio show "Loveline," as a "hip cultural warrior" who delivers family values in a stealthy package. But Pinsky is an imperfect spokesman for the religious right; he once gave out free condoms as a promotion for his Web site. "I have no agenda," he announced as the interns munched on cookies and a bell rang announcing that the House was in session.

Introducing Pinsky, the IWF's Alison Kasic lamented that campus romance "is more likely to resemble a spring-break Cancun hookup than a candlelight dinner with flowers." Pinsky agreed with that notion, and firmly established that the casual "hookup" is inferior to dating and commitment.

But this wasn't the usual sermon. "By the way, sometimes it's just fun," Pinsky said of youthful sex. "I'm not saying, 'Oh, my God, we have to have a funeral march.' Sometimes it's fun. It's not a bad thing."

As the interns questioned him, he also allowed that "delaying marriage, statistically, is a good thing. If it's the hookup that's delaying marriage, maybe it's not such a bad outcome."

Pinsky spoke playfully with his young audience about "beer goggles," praised the stability of lesbian relationships and referred to the "juice 'em up and go" strategy of young men getting women drunk before sex. Turning to drug use, Pinsky asserted that, as a matter of health, marijuana "is certainly no worse than alcohol and cigarettes and maybe better."

If this is a cultural warrior, a truce may be imminent.

College Girls: Then and Now

info@iwf.org (Charlotte Hays) — Wed, 28 Mar 2007 07:27:00 EDT

Caitlin Flanagan, one of my favorite iconoclasts, has penned a review of a new book entitled College Girls: Bluestockings, Sex, Kittens, and Co-Eds, Then and Now. Flanagan notes:

"To an extent, the history of higher education for American women can be traced through the gradual erosion of parietals. As more and more young ladies began to leave their families not for marriage but for a college education, and then to slowly be granted the freedom of the campus, something profound began to change. The nature of the education women received in college -- from the things they studied in the classroom to the graces and talents they were expected to cultivate beyond the lecture hall -- evolved in direct proportion to their gathering personal and sexual freedoms. To be free to sleep wherever you choose and with whomever you choose is to be free to turn up your nose at the 'Ladies' Course' and to pursue instead a "classical" curriculum.

"All of these developments are cataloged in Lynn Peril's invaluable new book, College Girls. Hers is not an achievement of analysis; almost every one of her revelations is marshaled to support the contention that colleges imposed more limits on women than on men. (Or, 'Color me jeering,' as she puts it at one point.) But the book can be forgiven much, because in it Peril has assembled an Aladdin's cave of treasures. She has read, and quotes at length from, a rich and various array of sources: student handbooks and yearbooks, popular novels, and advice manuals from the past two centuries. She has created a record of the daily habits of these women -- from what they ate, to what they wore, to the subjects they studied -- that will fascinate anyone interested in the history of private life."

I do want to interject a note on those ladies' courses. I think that young women were far more likely to end up with a sound classical education in the past than now. Those ladies' courses were probably superior to a lot of the pap they get in college today. I base this partly on the old books, including a now sadly lost book of readings for young ladies' book, circa 1860s. Back when I could remember the whole title, I almost replaced a copy, belonging to a relative, on ebay. I'm sorry I didn't because I'd like to be able to cite the readings, which I remember as being quite impressive. I'm simply not sure young women today are as likely to gain the basics of a good education as their antecedents.

And then there's sex:

"Peril reports, accurately, that much of the historical anxiety about sending girls to college had to do with the question of sex. In the 19th century, many believed that too much education could rob a girl of 'the womanly virtues' and set her on a course for spinsterhood. Coeducation was problematic on two fronts: Not only was a girl in danger of losing her virginity; she was also capable of falling in love with the wrong kind of fellow, perhaps even returning home engaged to someone her family had never met. Nowadays, with the threats to a woman's virginity ever more numerous, and engagement regarded by most coeds as a quaint arrangement slated for the distant future, parents' worries have only multiplied.

"Proof that the sex lives of college women remain an object of intense cultural fascination can be found in a book like Laura Sessions Stepp's Unhooked which documents the semi-anonymous 'hooking up' that is now the norm. Stepp's intention was to study this phenomenon open-mindedly, 'hoping to understand rather than intending to censure.' But journalistic objectivity was soon replaced by alarm and even horror. She found girls who were 'exhausted physically, emotionally and spiritually' by the practice. The girls' behavior is starkly contemporary, but the adult's characterization of it -- and of the specific ways that sexuality can deplete a woman -- could have been lifted from a 19th-century tract. In placing the blame for these developments on three forces (?the ethic of female empowerment; parental expectations for academic and professional achievement; and reluctance on the part of authorities on campus to intervene in students? social lives?), Stepp occupies the squishy middle ground where many progressive women unhappily find themselves: Yes, yes, yes to female freedom and empowerment, but Jesus Christ, why are these girls giving blow jobs to guys they hardly know?

"She pulls herself together long enough to conclude the book with a 'Dear Daughters' letter. It's the kind of 'sex is a beautiful thing, when it's between two loving people' lecture that has been making young girls want to jump out of the nearest window from sheer embarrassment since the early 1970s. (My lecture arrived, in my mother's Palmer Method handwriting, on my bedside table midway through 12th grade, and the extent to which it mortified me -- my mother was a nurse and knew how to draw a fairly precise medical illustration -- cannot be overstated)."

But here's my favorite evocation of the way things were:

"The most arresting part of Peril's book is the brief, vivid, and appealing portrait she presents of herself as an undergraduate at the University of Wisconsin 25 years ago. She arrived with a butch haircut, a suitcase full of punk clothes mail-ordered from New York, and a "tough-chick persona." I suspected that she was romanticizing her past, but then she shows us her freshman ID card, and she really was a fright. Underneath, though, she was as timid as any 18-year-old girl plucked from home and set down on the campus of a huge university. Too shy to raise her hand in class, or even to order a pizza over the telephone, she was so rattled by a boy who flirted with her on the first day of French II that she promptly dropped the class. 'In my heart of hearts,' she writes -- the phrase itself a kind of linguistic Fair Isle sweater -- 'I knew I wasn't ready for college yet.' She wandered through her four years, her melancholy settling into a depression, and despite all of her bravado -- and a short, fun fling with feminist theory -- she ended up in the greatest of all girl majors: art history."

Linguistic Fair Isle sweater--how perfect.

And then there's sex:

But here's my favorite evocation of the way things were:

Linguistic Fair Isle sweater--how perfect.

But here's my favorite evocation of the way things were:

Linguistic Fair Isle sweater--how perfect.

Unprotected Women on the Hook-Up Campus

Thu, 22 Mar 2007 13:35:00 EDT

Dr. Miriam Grossman, a psychiatrist at UCLA, originally concealed her identity out of fear of losing her job when she wrote the exceedingly politically incorrect book, Unprotected- A Campus Psychiatrist Reveals How Political Correctness in Her Profession Endangers Every Student. Here are disturbing excerpts from the work, as cited in an article by Wendy Cook:

- "My profession has been hijacked. I cannot do my job, my patients are suffering, and I am fed up."

- "Radical politics pervades my profession, and common sense has vanished."

- "These changes are the result of social agendas foisted on the campus community, and in my work at the counseling center, I see the consequences daily. Dangerous behaviors are [put forth as] a personal choice, judgments are prohibited-- they might offend."

- "Attendance at 'multiculturalism' workshops to increase my sensitivity and inclusivity, and confront my sexism, racism, and homophobia, are mandatory."

- "During my years on campus, thousands of students have opened up to me, and shared their private lives. With some frequency, they suffer the consequences of our hook up culture: sexually transmitted infections-- some have them, others have significant anxiety about contracting them; unwanted pregnancy; confusion, loneliness and heartache due to chaotic and empty relationships."

- "It's bad enough that today's freshmen arrive on campus having grown up with Friends and Sex in the City, brainwashed to believe in the ideology of sex without consequences. What's worse is when our universities, and some health professionals, accept this risky lifestyle as unavoidable, and in some cases even promote it."

- "One study showed 57% of college women agreed that being promiscuous is a way to fit in, [b]ut I'm troubled by something different: a culture that dupes a young woman with the fraudulent ideology that they are like men."

- "Not that every man is comfortable with multiple casual encounters, but we have hard science indicating a young woman is more vulnerable, physically and emotionally. But that research doesn't reach college students, and so when some of these women find themselves confused and angry after hooking up, they think there's something wrong with them."

- "Instead of giving a false sense of security, we need to declare war on hooking up, and deal with these urgent issues with the same no-nonsense approach we've used in health campaigns."

- "When students see that we, the experts, are alarmed about risky behaviors, and have faith in their ability to make smarter decisions, then perhaps they will consider it."

Thank you, Dr. Grossman, for speaking out in spite of personal risk.

Relevant Radio: The effect of sexually explicit material on young girl's development

info@iwf.org (Carrie L. Lukas) — Wed, 21 Feb 2007 14:31:00 EST

Carrie Lukas discusses whether young girl's who are exposed to sexually explicit material are affected later in life and to what degree.