In November, the Independent Women’s Forum held a debate at the National Press Club to ask the question: Is marriage a thing of the past? A trap for women? Or is it the last best hope of saving the family? The participants in this discussion were Maggie Gallagher, a scholar and researcher with the Institute for American Values, and Marshall Miller, co-founder of the Alternatives to Marriage Project. This is an excerpt from their spirited debate.
The participants in this discussion were Maggie Gallagher, a scholar and researcher with the Institute for American Values, and Marshall Miller, co-founder of the Alternatives to Marriage Project. This is an excerpt from their spirited debate.
The participants in this discussion were Maggie Gallagher, a scholar and researcher with the Institute for American Values, and Marshall Miller, co-founder of the Alternatives to Marriage Project. This is an excerpt from their spirited debate.
The participants in this discussion were Maggie Gallagher, a scholar and researcher with the Institute for American Values, and Marshall Miller, co-founder of the Alternatives to Marriage Project. This is an excerpt from their spirited debate.
MAGGIE GALLAGHER
The Case for Marriage
The case that I am making for marriage is rather different. It is not simply that marriage is wonderful because it is a fulfilling relationship for two people, but rather that it is a central social institution that deserves a special status in our society. In fact, I think the evidence shows that marriage is not just a moral or spiritual institution, but that it is a powerful protector of children’s well being, a powerful protector of adult well being, and a powerful creator and sustainer of human and social capital.
The point I wish to make is that the decline of marriage is not merely a personal heartbreak-but that it is a serious societal concern.
Marriage is a public act by which private lovers try to create a tie so firm that a child’s heart can rely upon it. It is a spiritual, moral, economic, sexual, child-rearing, and legal public union, and therefore, as an ideal, it is as popular today as it ever has been. But one of the reasons that fewer Americans have lasting marriages is precisely because we have retreated from these understandings of marriage and have tried to strip it down to a private, emotional relationship.
Now many of you are aware of the research showing that children do better when their parents get and stay married. And this is true even when you control for things like the quality of the parents’ marriage or income and race. But in addition to that case for marriage, there is another. Adults who marry are better off because they choose, voluntarily, to enter into this public, legal, and social union.
In The Case for Marriage, Linda Waite and I examined thousands of studies. In every country for which we have good data, we found that married people live longer, health-ier, happier, and more financially successful lives. And to top it off, they even have better sex, more often, than couples who are not married.
Of course, Mr. Miller is not against married people. But his argument that it is discrimination for society to offer special protections and support for the institution of marriage is an argument that all other relationships should be put on an equal par with marriage, and that is there is nothing special about making this kind of public and legal vow. I disagree.
The question we should ask ourselves is: Are we happy with the decline of marriage? And is it good that more and more of our children are growing up outside of intact marriages?
We have an opportunity in the next decade to make a difference-to strengthen marriage and reduce divorce and unmarried childbearing. In short, to do better for the next generation than was done for us.
Co-author with Linda Waite of The Case for Marriage (Doubleday), Maggie Gallagher is a scholar and researcher with the Institute for American Values.
MARSHALL MILLER
Not Everyone is Married
At the Alternatives to Marriage Project, we are not opposed to marriage. We believe in supporting married people and strengthening marriages, but we also recognize there are a lot of unmarried people in this country, 80 million adults, and that’s a pretty diverse group of people. It includes widows and widowers; divorced people; single parents; people who live together before marriage; long-term cohabitors; gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgendered people; and people who are currently single but hope to marry.
The Alternatives to Marriage Project focuses on three basic principles-and I noticed these themes reflected in the work of the Independent Women’s Forum-equal opportunity, fairness, and individual liberty. We are working to eliminate discrimination and ensure equal opportunity regardless of marital status, in the workplace, in housing, in the insurance industry, as well as other areas where people tell us they have been treated unfairly because they are single. For example, we were recently contacted by a woman who was denied a promotion at work because she was unmarried. Her boss said, “Come back when you’re married and then you’ll get the promotion.”
The second issue is fairness and a good example of this issue is the tax code. I support eliminating the marriage penalty-I don’t believe married people should pay more taxes than unmarried people. But I also don’t believe that married people should pay less taxes than unmarried people. It’s a matter of simple fairness that we don’t base our tax code on marital status.
And finally, at the Alternatives to Marriage Project we support individual liberty, which is one of the founding beliefs of America-that individuals have a right to live their lives. We don’t believe the government should tell us where to live, how to live, or how many children we can have. And we don’t believe social scientists from the ivory tower should tell us, either.
This doesn’t need to be an either/or debate. I believe in creating better and stronger marriages for people who are in them and better and stronger families for people who are not married. There’s no reason why we cannot do both.
Marriage can be a positive thing in many people’s lives, but it is not for everyone. There are too many single, unmarried, and divorced people to ignore their needs and ignore their lives.
Marshall Miller is co-founder of the Alternatives to Marriage Project, a national organization working for greater understanding and acceptance of unmarried people.