Our friend Michelle Malkin googled “Teresa Heinz Looks Bored” into her computer today, and here’s what she got. My favorite entry in the Teresa Says the Darndest Things competition is this one from the April 25 Newsweek cover story on her:

“When asked for her read on how things are going in her husband’s race, she says: ‘I can’t tell. The only people I see now are Democrats.'”

Michelle also provides a couple of choice links to news stories dating from before hubster John F. Kerry launched his official bid for the Democratic presidential nomination and when “Saint” Teresa was still refusing to add his last name to that of her former husband, the late Pennsylvania Republican Sen. John Heinz. Here’s an anecdote from the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette in 2002:

“She still calls John Heinz ‘my husband’ and doesn’t always correct herself — ‘my late husband’ — even when Kerry is around. She still wears the blue sapphire engagement ring that Heinz gave her.”

Post-Gazette reporter Mark Leibovich continues:

“When Kerry is asked about the nightmares that haunted his sleep for years after he returned from Vietnam, he shrugs. ‘I don’t think I’ve had a nightmare in a long time,’ he says. But then Heinz begins to mimic Kerry having a Vietnam nightmare.

“‘Down! Down, down!’ she yells, patting her hands down on her auburn hair.

“‘I haven’t gotten slapped yet,’ she says. ‘But there were times when I thought I might get throttled.’

“Kerry quivers his right foot and steers the discussion to the counseling programs he has supported for Vietnam veterans. Asked if he has been in therapy himself, he non-answers. ‘It doesn’t bother me anymore, I just go back to sleep.’

“Heinz presses him. ‘Not therapy for the dreams, therapy for the angst,’ she says, and looks quizzically at him, awaiting an answer. Kerry shakes his head ‘No.’ This is not your father’s political couple….”

And here’s Washington Post columnist Lloyd Grove in 2003 quoting from Teresa’s interview with Elle magazine’s Lisa di Paolo:

“‘Now, politically, it’s going to be Teresa Heinz Kerry, but I don’t give a [bleep], you know?’ explains the 64-year-old Heinz, who generally uses the surname of the late senator John Heinz (R-Pa.), who was killed in a 1991 plane crash. ‘There are other things to worry about.’


“‘ Her tendency to fidget, glower or interrupt, instead of simply gaze, when her husband gives a speech. ‘They think I should always be looking adoringly at him,’ she sighs.

“‘ Her financial arrangement with Kerry: ‘Everybody has a prenup. You have to have a prenup. You’ve got to have a prenup. You could be as generous or as sensitive as you want. But you have to have a prenup.’

“‘ Her regular Botox treatments: ‘In fact I need another one. Soon.’ As for cosmetic surgery, ‘when I need it, I’ll get it. ‘She confides that she’d like to fix her nose, which has gotten ‘bulbier’ with age.

“‘ Her views on marital fidelity: ‘I don’t think I could have coped so well’ with a mate’s philandering as Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton (D-N.Y.) has. ‘I used to say to my husband, my late husband, “If you ever get something I’ll maim you. Not kill you, just maim you.” And we’d laugh, laugh, laugh.’ Heinz adds that she has never had any reason to suspect either of her husbands. ‘Not for one day, because what I expect of them, they have a right to expect of me. Maybe I’m into 18-year-olds.’ At which Heinz’s campaign handler, former political journalist Chris Black, cautioned bleakly: ‘That was a joke.'”

Oh, Teresa, we love you! And so do liberals. Michelle links to this gushing post from Athenae on the lib-fave Atrios blog:

“The married people I have beer with on a regular basis have (from what I can tell) healthy, adult marriages based on like and mutual respect, and nothing warms me up to somebody faster than that person praising their spouse.

“I have no idea what goes on in the Bushes’ marriage, nor, for that matter, in the Kerrys’. But I like what I see of the two of them, that’s for sure.”