Inky guy-reader J.C. e-mails with comments on my post about Elfriede Jelinek, the Austrian femno-hack who just won the Nobel Prize for “literature” (as a friend of mine who’s a real writer puts it) over her stirring tales about Viennese sadomasochism and voyeurism at a music school and American plain old sadism in Iraq. (See Elfriede Jelinek, Nobel Prize Bizarro, Oct. 8.) Here’s J.C.:
“After looking at her pic in the New York Times, I can see why she would lean towards kinky sex. No normal guy would go for her, not even with triple-bagger protections (bag over her head, bag over mine in case her bag breaks, bag over dog’s head to keep him from freaking out.)”
Come now, J.C., I think you’re a little hard on Elfriede’s looks (check them out here, here, and here, scrolling down where appropriate). She’s 57, and in her day, with those stunning cheekbones, she was undoubtedly a smashing-looking lefty-dame, the toast of her Communist Party cell (Elfriede was a card-carrier from 1976 to 1991). Even now, she has the potential to be an attractive middle-aged lady of the mitteleuropaische variety. She just needs to do something about her hair (such as combing it), her clothes (Elfriede, the grunge look went out with the ’90s!), and her shoes (my God!). Also the makeup. Try to fit the lipstick inside the lips, Elfriede. Nonetheless, with a quick visit from Queer Eye for the Sado-Maso Gal, Elfriede will do fine.
Reader K.S. takes note of my post last Monday on Electoral Votes Today, the nonpartisan Electoral College predictor-site that last Monday–four days after the first presidential debate in which G.W. Bush was supposed to have fared badly–gave Bush 296 (I misreported at 295) projected electoral votes and John. F. Kerry just 243. (See Now Whom Exactly Did the Debate Help?, Oct. 4). This represented a dramatic upturn for Bush, who got just 280 votes to Kerry’s 254 just before the debate.
Nonetheless, K.S. points out this:
“Do you check Electoral Votes Today every day to keep tabs on the race? It just swung drastically towards Kerry’s side today. I’m worried, to put it simply.”
K.S., who’s clearly leaning toward Bush, has good cause for worry. Today is three days after Debate #2 on Friday, which most commentators viewed as a draw, with a much-improved Bush going toe-to-toe with Kerry in terms of style (and, Salon-o-fans, where on Bush’s much-televised back was the supposed bulging radio wire for Karl Rove’s answer-feed on Friday?). Electoral Votes Today, however, shows Kerry leading with 270 projected votes (the minimum to win the presidency) and Bush with only 248.
The Washington Post’s daily track of the popular vote, however, shows Bush with a 51 percent lead over Kerry’s 46 percent today. Now if all these figures hold up on Nov. 2, I expect to see much liberal hand-wringing over how Kerry “stole” the election from Bush and many calls from our left-of-center pundits for abolishing the Electoral College.
Now for a delicious platter of hate-mail.
“The average homemaker, confronted with such a problem, would simply shrug and say, ‘Quel dommage,’ re T. Kerry. My, my, you ladies are a catty and fearful bunch. Scary when a woman thinks for herself, scary when she might REALLY have vertigo (that was a nasty leap of illogic), scary when she’s pretty, smart, and direct. No games, no cutesy, cutesy. Give me real Teresa over Stepford Wifey Laura [Bush] any day.”
Yes, K. G., “Quel dommage” is exactly what the average Teresa-loving homemaker would say–because she’d likely be French.
Now for “div,” who just hates us in general:
“Is this some kind of joke? You ‘women’ are really men who have little ones, right? And you suffer from FME syndrome (fragile male ego), which could possibly be cured with the removal of a couple of ribs. This is just tooooo funny. I love a good parody!”
I hate to disabuse you, div, but I really am a woman. So is TOC. At least that’s what our birth certificates say.
“You are losing. You’re wealthy, you’re content, but you’re losing. The psychology behind you is fascinating. The comprehensive, factual knowledge behind you is nonexistent. Have a good day. I’ll be praying for you.”
I wonder why so many of our liberal readers assume that I’m “wealthy.” Oh, I wish I were.