“Over in flawlessly liberal Europe, the non-Arab population treats childbearing the way the Atkins diet treats carbohydrates,” Douglas Kern writes on Tech Central Station. “Here in the states, the reproduction rates among the Religious Right — and in the red states generally — greatly outpace the reproduction rates of our over-educated latte-sipping superiors. But in one-man one-vote democracies, small populations either discard their political power, or discard democracy.”

At first glance, this looks like good news — it’s not the state that’s going to wither away; it’s the left! Even when faced with extinction, trendy liberals will reject the option of having more children “with their stinky diapers and expensive college educations and drain on the world’s limited resources and whiny tantrums right in the middle of All Things Considered.”

An alternative way to reproduce might be to encourage immigration by “hordes of proto-citizens unassimilated into the prevailing culture” and use them to create a permanent “overclass” of ethnic leaders who’ll maintain their status through government programs. But, as the Hispanic vote showed in the last election, this might not work:

“The innate social conservatism of American minorities,” writes Kern, “will push them to the social Right — not as quickly as conservative immigration cheerleaders would have you believe, and not before contemporary minority leaders inflict serious damage on America from the Left, but soon enough to dash the hopes of a liberal legacy.”

So what’s left for the left? Baby-snatching. Or rather college student snatching…

“The remaining option,” writes Kern, “is the Dracula option: the hijacking of little red-state kids through academia and the mass media. It’s the lament of conservatives since time out of mind, and it’s the plot of Tom Wolfe’s latest novel: every year, conservative families spend outrageous sums in order to send their smartest, most capable children to elite colleges, wherein radical leftists brainwash them into newly-minted blue-staters. And the less-capable red-state kids hear the siren call of leftist values every time they flip the ’on’ switch on the idiot box. Prime-time television and the network news highlight the glamour and appeal of liberal places, beliefs, and lifestyles, while conservative values are either ridiculed (’dumb old Dad’), reviled (’The priest did it? The businessman was corrupt? Who’d’ve guessed?’), dismissed (’We at CBS News stand by our story’), or ignored (insert any aspect of religious life here). The old song is still mostly true: How ya gonna keep ’em down on the farm, after they’ve seen a TV show about Paree?”

This is why the left will fight to the death to hold onto its dominance on campus: that’s its only method of reproduction.