The July 2006 Marie Claire features Ashley Simpson on the cover. How much of Jessica’s money did Papa Joe have to spend to make Ashley famous? That, my friends, is one of the greatest mysteries of our time. Ashley’s article features several pearls of wisdom such as, “Everyone is made differently, and that’s what makes us beautiful and unique. I want girls to look in the mirror and feel confident.” This, from a girl who is busy not denying a slew of nose job rumors.
In less ironic body image news, page 78 sports an interesting enough article on how body image role models have changed over the years – the rise and fall of supermodels, Hollywood starlets, etc. The article hits an interesting point when it talks about the false emotional intimacy people have with Hollywood stars. The result, according to Marie Claire is young adults knowing more about Britney Spears than they do about their own grandfather, which I imagine is true for the most part.
Now for the real fun – the June/July 2006 issue of Jane. The issue gets off to a redonkulous start with the article “5 Ways to Make Money While You’re Bored at Work.” Suggetion #2? “Write customized erotica.” Wow, just wow. I would like to congratulate Jane for quite possibly the worst suggestion in history. Bravo. Clearly we wouldn’t want to encourage people to work hard at work. “Customized erotica” is a weird enough suggestion in general, but the “at work” part really throws me for a loop. If a guy did that at work, he’d get labeled a pervert. But apparently Jane thinks it’s acceptable for women.
Flip forward to page 25 and you’ll learn how to use sex to get free drinks, haircuts, and puffy-sleeved jackets – “service-sex oriented” as Jane calls it. The idea is that you should have sex with people who can get you free things. Talk about romance!
But the erotica and service sex pail in comparison to Jane’s worst advice of all: lilac lipstick (page 63). No way am I falling for that one, Jane. I’m onto your tricks.
Then there is the cover story on Anne Hathaway. I was excited to read this. I like Anne Hathaway. But the article divulges three details that make me cry a little on the inside: Anne minored in women’s studies, wore a Hillary Clinton shirt during the interview, and protested the 2005 Dubya inauguration. Sigh. I guess a liberal Anne Hathaway cover story is still better than an Ashley Simpson cover story.