Another break from Yule vacation because I’d almost forgot my annual link to John Derbyshire’s Christmas carols on National Review Online. This batch isn’t quite as sparkly as those from previous years–but there are still laughs aplenty to be had from “Have Yourself a Merry Little Congress,” “Rudolph the Red-State Nightmare,” and the inimitable “Bimbo Wonderland”:
Britney Spears is in Heaven
Now she’s got rid of Kevin;
Her bottom is bare,
But she doesn’t care
Living in a bimbo wonderland.
Indeed, Derb’s wit has inspired me to carve my own Derby-licious carol. It’s nowhere near up to the caliber of the Master, but here goes:
Little Drummer Hill
I wrote it way back when, pa rum pum pum pum
That book that’s out again, rum pum pum pum
That was in ’96, pa rum pum pum pum
Before the Monica fix, pa rum pum pum pum,
rum pum pum pum, rum pum pum pum,
“It Takes a Village” still, pa rum pum pum pum
Buy my book.
Parents, you can’t raise, pa rum pum pum pum
Kids by yourselves these days, pa rum pum pum pum
Let big Dem government, pa rum pum pum pum
Help with entitlement, pa rum pum pum pum,
rum pum pum pum, rum pum pum pum,
Shall I read to you, pa rum pum pum pum,
From my book?
Don’t think: “Quelle bore, pa rum pum pum pum
I’ve heard this all before,” pa rum pum pum pum
‘Cuz when I’m president, pa rum pum pum pum
I’ll lay it on thick as cement, pa rum pum pum pum pum,
rum pum pum pum, rum pum pum pum,
Please, please buy it now, pa rum pum pum pum
Me and my book.
This is my swan song, I promise! Merry Christmas again, and the ladies of IWF welcome you back to this site on Jan. 2!