In what sound more like an episode of The Office, New York City Health Department officials have announced a new set of strict workplace rules which they’re calling (and I’m not making this up) “Life in the Cubicle Village.” 

Make that “Life in Cubicle Hell!”

The new rules will prevent employees from using strong fragrances, bringing smelly food back to the office (who exactly determines what is smelly?) and posting office decorations that might be offensive to other colleagues (read: that American flag has gotta go!).

The rules offer tips on intra-office relationships and advise staffers to control their eavesdropping and to “resist the urge to add your comments” (fine print: unless those comments are critical of Republicans).

In addition to the requirements on personal behavior, there are guidelines for food served at office parties saying they should focus on healthy food choices and prevent the serving of fried foods completely.

Tap water is a required beverage for office parties (FUN!) and other drinks cannot be more than 25 calories per eight ounces.  Under the guidelines, pastries like muffins and bagels should be mini-size or at least thinly-sliced, the paper reported.

I bet those health department staffers can’t wait for the Christmas Party!!  Woo hoo, bring on the broccoli!