#1: Canned Cranberry Sauce = Poison!

Consumer groups are hand wringing about trace amounts of chemicals found in canned food. Do not despair; you don’t have to take cranberry sauce off the Christmas buffet.

While canned food does contain trace (in fact, it’s nearly undetectable) amounts of BPA (a chemical used in the lining of canned foods that prevents you from dying of botulism), hundreds of studies prove BPA is safe. In fact, multiple government agencies around the world have certified BPA’s safety. Those include: the Food and Drug Administration, the Environmental Protection Agency, the EU’s Food Safety Authority, Japan’s National Institute of Advanced Industrial Science and Technology, Norway’s Scientific Committee for Food Safety, France’s Food Safety Agency, Germany’s Federal Institute for Risk Assessment, Canada’s Health Agency, and by Australia and New Zealand’s joint Food Standards Council.

Feel better? Good! Now get out that can opener.


#2: Hey Fatty, This is probably Your Last Christmas!

The professional worry-warts want you to believe we’re all going to die of obesity.

Government officials hardly take a breath between alarmist claims about obesity. Yet according to the Centers for Disease Control, obesity rates are actually declining—and have been for the past decade. And here’s more good news: turns out, Americans are living longer than ever before.

This holiday season, raise your glass to long life because you’re probably going to live one.


#3: That Christmas Cocktail Will Give You Cancer!

Junk science is driving fears of what heretofore was considered a healthy habit: a glass of wine with dinner.

Thanks to a now-debunked study, women were advised that their nightly heart-healthy habit of having about one drink per week was putting them at risk for cancer. More recent evidence points to binge drinking as the real problem, not moderate alcohol use.

Cheers to that!


#4: Children’s Toys: Dangerous!

This year, the nannies are out in full force; determined to ruin Christmas for little Johnnie and Susie.

According to a report from one consumer activist group, toys contain dangerous chemicals. While this might sound scary, the truth is that these chemicals actually make toys safer. Phthalates–one such chemical—makes plastics soft and malleable. Without Phthalates, toys would more easily break into sharp shards which, if ingested, could cause deadly harm to children. More importantly, the CDC has ruled that phthalates do not pose a health hazard because the chemical is metabolized, excreted quickly and does not accumulate in the body. The CDC endorsed the findings in a 2004 and a 2010 study by the Children’s National Medical Center and George Washington University School of Medicine that showed no adverse effects in organ or sexual functioning in adolescent children exposed to phthalates as neonates.

Now, go enjoy those non-toxic toys, kids!


#5: Fireplaces Hurt Children!

Do you enjoy a fire during the holiday season? Well, get ready for the government nannies to start requiring heat proof glass for fireplaces. Why? Because some children have burned themselves when touching the glass doors of a fireplace…while there was a fire roaring.

According to one watchdog group, every year, roughly 200 children are burned after touching glass fire doors. While no one wants to see a child injured, it’s worth asking, who is responsible for a child’s behavior when in close proximity to a fire? After all, there are a number of other dangerous heat-producing products in the average American house. According to another home safety watchdog group, the products that cause the most burns among young children are hair curlers, curling irons, room heaters, ovens/ranges, and irons. Let’s hope the nannies don’t get ahold of that list.

During the colder seasons, practice some responsible parenting and spare us having to retrofit our fireplaces with safety glass.