Speak up—I must need a hearing aid.

Oops! I’m going to have to content myself with an elective abortion or free birth control pills instead. Bummer.

Judging by the ObamaCare plans available in the District of Columbia, where I live, our know-it-all government minders’ have some strange ideas about what constitutes “essential benefit.” Gramps’ hearing aid will not be covered, whereas an abortion for non-medical reasons is a must-have. But that's just the beginning of the oddities of ObamaCare's values-based coverage.

Hearing-impaired oldsters may be among ObamaCare’s losers, but the new law is a boon for the campus hook-up culture. Back in my day, such things were referred to as one-night stands, but then again back in my era they also weren’t government subsidized.

But henceforward hook-ups will be. The underlying premise of the “Got Insurance?” ad campaign in Colorado–which pitches ObamaCare to Millennials–is that the Congress of the United States passed the Affordable Care Act specifically to make the hooking-up lifestyle more carefree.

One of the ads in the “Got Insurance?” series, produced by ProgressNow Colorado and the Colorado Consumer Health Initiative, features a college woman standing by a scruffy, sexy young man with his hand on her waist.

"OMG,” the caption reads, “he's hot! Let's hope he's as easy to get as this birth control. My health insurance covers the pill, which means all I have to worry about is getting him between the covers."

So if you regret it in the morning, it won’t be because you lacked free, federally-mandated birth control pills.

Another of the “Got Insurance?” ads, entitled “Brosurance,” features three young men in a partying frame of mind: “Keg stands are crazy. Not having health insurance is crazier.”

Five vivacious girls with shot glasses warrant the caption: “Get Your Shots. Shotskis keep us happy. Flu shots keep us healthy. Saving money on flu shots leaves us more money for shots. We got insurance. Now you can too.”

Yes, these are the benefits from the new law that are supposed to outweigh the great harm that we are seeing as millions lose their existing health insurance. Of course, it’s nice to have one’s flu shot covered, but the going rate for flu shotskis is $20 to $25. Do the math—“free” shotskis will hardy make up for the increased premiums that young Americans are facing as a result of ObamaCare mandates. Does the administration think college women are stupid in addition to being booze-addled?

Having recently authored a book entitled When Did White Trash Become the New Normal?, I have a special insight into what is going on here: ObamaCare is promoting trashy behavior. College kids have always engaged in risky behavior, sexual or otherwise, but ObamaCare is the first government program (to my knowledge) that has sought to encourage and abet trashy conduct on campus.

You can’t escape the moral hazard of ObamaCare by being of a mature age, however.

One of the satisfying aspects of life is being responsible for yourself—pulling your own weight. But that was before ObamaCare. Nicole Hopkins recounts in Thursday’s Wall Street Journal how “ObamaCare forced mom into Medicaid.

This is not to cast aspersions on people who are on Medicaid. But Hopkins’ mother, Charlene Hopkins, was self-reliant before ObamaCare. Mrs. Hopkins paid her own health insurance premium of $276 a month, though it was a stretch. After her plan was cancelled, she entered her financial data on her state’s health care website (being able to use the website shows what a plucky woman she must be!) and the only option was Medicaid.

Five years of an administration that promotes government dependency was not able to stamp out Charlene Hopkins’ old-fashioned value of self-reliance. “How has it come to this?” the distressed woman asked her daughter. “How have I fallen this far?”

If the ObamaCare is allowed to continue, such sentiments will one day in the near future be incomprehensible.

At a time when the impact of single-parent households on children is becoming hideously obvious, ObamaCare also offers financial incentives for people to remain single or live together unmarried. A joint income from a married couple is more likely to exceed the income level that guarantees subsidies. A recent article in the Atlantic Monthly spotlighted a couple who were contemplating divorce to get affordable health insurance. To echo Mrs. Hopkins question: “How has it come to this?”

ObamaCare is the “Life of Julia” insurance system. “Julia” was the fictional woman in the Obama 2012 campaign infomercial who lived a life of cradle-to-grave government dependency. Forget the financial disaster ObamaCare will wreak. The moral collapse it fosters is more of a concern.