Hillary and Chipotle! They go together like a chicken burrito bowl and a sext from "Carlos Danger."

The former first lady/New York senator/secretary of state/Democratic presidential candidate's April 13 visit to a Chipotle outlet in Maumee, Ohio, accompanied by aide Huma Abedin, wife of that Anthony Weiner, seems to have been accompanied by an infinite number of sides of negative-publicity guacamole.

First, as we all know, not a soul in that Chipotle actually recognized Hillary Clinton, clad as she was in a dark-sunglasses disguise that made you wonder exactly what was the point of this well-publicized effort to mingle with the simple folk of Flyoverland. Even the manager scoffed at the idea that Clinton had ever been in his shop until he played back some security-video footage.

Then, it turned out, Clinton stiffed the Chipotle staff:

"Her bill was $20 and some change, and they paid with $21 and left" without putting anything in a tip jar on the counter, Charles Wright, the manager at the Maumee, Ohio, Chipotle restaurant told Bloomberg.

The change from the meal totaled less than a dollar, but it was pocketed rather than deposited in the tip jar as many customers at the restaurant do, Wright said.

“We get a bunch of tips,” said Wright, who is a Republican and says he isn’t planning on voting for Clinton. “If we’re doing our job right, people tip.”

Now, it appears that Hillary has jinxed Chipotle itself. Forbes reports:

Chipotle Mexican Grill reported Tuesday afternoon that it recorded $1.09 billion in first quarter revenue, a figure that marks a healthy 20.4% increase over sales reported this time last year but that is short of the $1.11 billion Wall Street expected to see from the company. The 20.4% sales growth, too, looks less impressive upon further inspection: it’s down from 27% growth last quarter and down from the 24% pop reported for the year-ago quarter.

Same-store sales increased 10.4%, but slowed on a quarter-by-quarter basis: the first quarter’s result is down from the 16.1% growth reported in the fourth quarter of 2014 and from 19.8% in 2014′s third quarter. The company said that comparable sales growth was driven by an increase in check size (due to a menu price increase that took full effect during the second quarter of 2014) as well as increased foot traffic. 

Finally, Richochet's Jon Gabriel placed the final straw on Chipotle's back:

Despite what those in the upper Midwest and East Coast might think, the company makes a horrible burrito and I’ll tell you why.

Behold the Five Pillars of Burrito-making:

  1. No rice is allowed in a burrito. The tortilla wrapping provides 100% of your starchy, carby goodness. Tossing in two cups of flavorless white rice is unnecessary as it is unhealthy. It throws off the optimal protein/fat/carb balance while subtracting flavor. Might as well fill it with packing peanuts and dryer lint.
  2. Incorrect ratio of tortilla to filling. The weight of the filling should be no more than twice the weight of the tortilla. Yes, I just made up that ratio, but Chipotle violates it by a factor of three. Again, this throws off the balance of ingredients and tastes awful.
  3. Tortillas should have flavor. The best part of a good burrito at my Phoenix-area hole-in-the-wall is the fresh-made tortilla still warm from the oven. Chipotle’s tortillas taste like their rice which tastes like nothing whatsoever. The last time they saw an oven was two weeks back when they left the factory in Omaha.
  4. Keep it simple. I’ll allow three ingredients in a burrito; four if I’ve had a couple Negra Modelos. But this barbacoa/corn/rice/sour cream/pico de gallo/guacamole/cheese/beans nonsense is an abomination. You know what my local burritería puts in their Carne Asada Burrito? Carne asada. Don’t mess with perfection, gringos.
  5. Keep it semi-healthy. Despite being advertised as “healthy,” a Chipotle burrito clocks in at about 1,000 calories — 1,600 if you get all the fixings. That latter number is all the calories you need in a day, and you wasted it on a horrible fast-food burrito. I have no idea how many calories my aforementioned Carne Asada Burrito offers since the owners are probably not on the best terms with federal agencies. (I can’t wear a tie and shades into the place without someone shouting “la migra!” and clearing out the kitchen.) But I’d guess the meal is under 700 calories with a plurality of that being protein. I can eat three of those a day and tomorrow I just might.

So Hillary's not only a cheapskate who can't be bothered to mingle with the little people, but she has lousy taste in Mexican food. April 13 just wasn't her day–or Chipotle's.