The grievances of an xoJane writer:
I have a reputation for writing about my breasts a lot. It's true, to a point. If you broke down my xoJane articles into a pie chart of topics, you'd probably find that my boobs earn a not-insignificant slice; a smaller slice than music, probably; maybe a little bigger than dogs….
Although most people seem unbothered by the fact that I have publicly discussed my boobs (and boobs in general) multiple times, some folks—mostly the ones who leave hyperbolic and inaccurate comments along the lines of "all you ever write about are your boobs"—are annoyed by what they perceive as an excessive focus on them or humble-bragging. I don't particularly care.
Ultimately, I can write about my breasts as much as I want because they're mine….
They appear in every photo of me that isn't of just my face and shoulders. They feature prominently in selfies I take of t-shirts I'm excited to have found while vintage shopping. If I were to snap a picture on my MacBooks's Photo Booth app right now, it would capture me from my chest to almost the top of my head because of the height of my desk.
OK–we get it: xoJane contributing editor Marci Robin likes to write about her breasts, which are…not un-prominent in the way that the Alps are not un-prominent. Then she's horrified when this happens:
I got Botox for the first time at a beauty industry event a couple weeks ago, and once I could sense the effects had fully and ridiculously kicked in—I really don't like the outcome, which I describe as a "villainous" look—I decided to post the following photo to Instagram and share it on Facebook as well. (Not that it matters, but it was taken on my MacBook, which was sitting right in front of me on my desk, and other than flipping it so it wasn't backwards and letting Instagram crop off the sides so it was a square, I didn't try to frame it in any way.)
It probably would have helped if the photo had displayed a bit more of Robin's Botoxed forehead (which were mostly blocked off by her bangs) and a bit less of two tight-and-lowcut-T-shirt-encased objects that fill up an entire fourth of that Instagram "square" just south of its exact center. So here's what happened:
Although most of the comments were about the Botox I mentioned in the caption, one guy commented, in all caps, "THERE THEY ARE!" I knew he wasn't referring to my glasses because this is one of several Facebook friends who, if even a fraction of my breasts are visible, says something about them.
So she posts this on Facebook:
Listen, I love my boobs. I wouldn’t even mind if they were bigger. But unless I bring them up in the caption of the photo I post, they’re not what the photo is about, and you are not welcome to comment on them, whether you think you're complimenting me or telling me to "put them away"; they’re simply in it, like my shoulders or ribs or other body parts that are probably in the photo if my boobs are.
If I write an article about them (which I have done and will do in the future), clearly there’s grounds for making a comment when I post that article; even then, though, it should be done in such a way that you don’t seem like a f—ing creep (even if you are one).
Are there exceptions? Very few. You’re probably not one of them. (Look in the mirror. Are you another large-breasted woman asking where I found a shirt that doesn’t gape at the placket? Are you one of my close female friends or my sister? No? Then you’re not an exception. And on the rare occasion that those who are exceptions do comment on them, it's never the cartoon-eye-bulging-wolf-in-a-suit equivalent of a comment, nor is it shaming me for having the audacity to not somehow hide them.)
I have an even better idea for Robin: If you don't want people to point out that you have big breasts, quit writing quite so many articles about the fact that you have big breasts.
It would also help if you quit making them the central focus of practically every single every selfie you posted. You know, if you're writing about your face, maybe the viewer ought to be able to see at little bit more of your face in the photo.