Marie Claire’s article, “Inside the Growing Movement of Women Who Wish They’d Never Had Kids,” is going viral on social media. That’s no surprise: People tend to have fierce opinions when it comes to motherhood, and many people are all too happy to tell others how selfish they are and what lousy mothers they must be. The regretful mothers have their cheerleaders too, people who see them as brave victims of a society that still dumps all the parenting on women’s shoulders.

Yet, for all the hype and controversy, it doesn’t seem all that shocking that some mothers say that, if they could do it over again, they wouldn’t have children. The article highlights a flurry of books and social media groups catering to regretful moms, but acknowledges it’s still a small market: The one poll cited found that 8 percent of those surveyed regretted becoming parents.

It’s a shame to think of anyone regretting having children, but given all of the difficulties associated with parenting, it’s inevitable that some will feel remorse. Parenting not only entails significant sacrifices of time, money, and emotional energy, but there’s also no guarantee how it will all turn out. Parents of a surly, disobedient teen may feel unappreciated, like their investment of time and resources has been for naught; parents of a young adult who is estranged, or involved in crime or substance abuse, may feel regret. And, yes, overwhelmed parents of troublesome toddlers—with their endless demands—may also wish they could go back in time.

We can hope that these regrets will be temporary and that life circumstances and relationships will evolve so that people ultimately feel their investment in parenting was worth it. After all, the flipside of that 8 percent statistic is that nine out of ten don’t regret becoming parents, a pretty strong showing. However, just as there is a “natural unemployment rate” with a certain share of people always switching jobs or out of work, even in the best of circumstances, there will always be some regretful parents.

Marie Claire plays up how these women are bravely thwarting social norms by expressing their dissatisfaction, while acknowledging that this may be as much a tribute to the internet age, when everything imaginable has a Facebook group one can join and taboos are routinely broken. Yet in an era when being a victim is often a badge of honor, there doesn’t seem much particularly brave about these women giving voice to their complaints. In fact, a lack of bravery appeared to be a root problem for many of these regretful moms.

According to the article, society’s impossible expectations weigh on these moms:

Women are now expected to lean in both at work and at home, never missing a board meeting or ballet recital. A 2015 study found that American mothers now spend 13.7 hours a week with their children, compared to 10.5 hours in 1965–even though a significantly larger percentage of mothers also now work outside of the home. The combination, for many, is exhausting.

“Today’s mom is a domestic throwback to the ’50s, combined with the ’80s-era working mom,” says Avital Norman Nathman, editor of The Good Mother Myth: Redefining Motherhood to Fit Reality. At every stage, she says, there are expectations for the right way to mother.

One survey cited in the article found that twice as many moms as dads report feeling judged as parents by strangers.

Certainly, it seems unfair that women feel such pressure to live up to an idealized version of motherhood, but ultimately it’s up to women how much power we give these outsiders and their expectations. One mom featured by Marie Claire lamented the drudgery of life as a stay-at-home mom, pining for her career girl days. But isn’t the solution to her problem obvious? Look for a job and find a caretaker for her child. That’s not always possible, of course, and single moms inevitably juggle the most, but there is no reason why these women should miserably succumb to the peer pressure of trying to meet others’ mothering standards. They need to make sure that their children are well cared for—loved, kept safe and encouraged—but otherwise should figure out their own role in this process. Plenty of women have broken the mold as moms, choosing to outsource aspects of parentings that they can’t or don’t want to do, and raised healthy children. Considering such alternatives would be far more positive and empowering than commiserating on regretful mom chat groups.

Life is about making choices. Inevitably, people end up wondering where alternative paths might have been. And, as the grass-is-always-greener cliché goes, those frustrated with the daily grind of parenting may romanticize carefree childlessness now, but if they didn’t have kids, they might be equal dissatisfied and fantasizing about the fulfillment of parenthood.

In other words, as IWF’s Sabrina Schaeffer put it, these women may very well have been unhappy regardless of their choice about having children. They blame their dissatisfaction with their life circumstances on their kids, but plenty of people, parents and nonparents, especially as they age, lament missed opportunities and wish we’d spent our time and talents differently.

Having children isn’t the right choice for everyone—and some women will always regret having kids just as others regret not having them—but learning to make the most with the choices we’ve made is the best we all can do.