Those wags at Time magazine are soooo funny!

I nearly choked to death laughing at this hilarious parody of a kneejerk feminist reaction to FBI Director James Comey's just-announced probe of  those Hillary Clinton e-mails his agency discovered languishing on a laptop in Anthony Weiner's digs.

It's a scream, I assure you–and one of the funniest touches is that the witty Time parodists used the name of an actual kneejerk feminist, University of California linguistics professor Robin Lakoff (I'm sure that an amused Lakoff gave the wise guys permission to use her name.)

Here goes, from "Lakoff":

I am mad. I am mad because I am scared. And if you are a woman, you should be, too. Emailgate is a bitch hunt, but the target is not Hillary Clinton. It’s us.

The only reason the whole email flap has legs is because the candidate is female. Can you imagine this happening to a man? Clinton is guilty of SWF (Speaking While Female), and emailgate is just a reminder to us all that she has no business doing what she’s doing and must be punished, for the sake of all decent women everywhere.


And in case you still haven't gotten the joke, our parodists rub it in a little further so you get the idea of how far around the bend "Lakoff" has gone:

It’s not about emails; it’s about public communication by a woman in general.

And finally:

But here’s Hillary Rodham Clinton, the very public stand-in for all bossy, uppity and ambitious women. Here are her emails. And since it’s a woman, doing what decent women should never do—engaging in high-level public communication—well, there must be something wrong with that, even if we can’t quite find that something. We will invoke the terminology of criminal law to account for our feelings. She’s getting away with treason! Put her in jail! We can’t quite put our fingers on it, but the words sure do make a lot of people feel better, so they must be right.

By now, a few of you readers may still be thinking that the above was written by the actual Robin Lakoff, and you may be wondering how she got to be a professor at one of America's premier public universities.

Trouble yourself not with such thoughts. It's obviously a parody! It's got every kneejerk feminist cliche in the books! No real professor could have ever written it.