Forget New Year’s resolutions to eat more greens. Salads are actually a tool used to subtly oppress women, in case you missed the news.

“Women, we need to throw off the sexist shackles of salad,” Olivia Goldhill proclaims in her last post of 2016 for Quartz.

The federal government recommends that women under 50 eat at least 2.5 cups of vegetables a day. But according to Goldhill, meeting this benchmark by eating salad is super problematic, “because bowls of leaves are really just the side helping to the constant diet of guilt our culture feeds women about their bodies.”

Goldhill says she learned to begin “eating like a man” when she suffered two slipped discs in her back. As she healed, she rediscovered fish pie with mashed potatoes and cheese, beef stew and other non-salad food items.

Touting her own enlightenment, Goldhill bemoans how women “keep eating those limp leaves,” describing how, at “any restaurant… you’ll see the vast majority of salads are sitting before women, to many of whom will spend every meal worrying about how the food they eat will make them look good.”

(Question for Goldhill: Is it OK for men to eat “the limp leaves,” or would make them part of the Patriarchy—for perpetuating the viability of something that systematically keeps women down? Please respond when you get a chance.)

Female salad-lovers, take comfort in this: At least now there’s a pineapple just for women.

— Jillian Kay Melchior writes for Heat Street and is a fellow for the Steamboat Institute and the Independent Women’s Forum.