On this episode of the Bespoke Parenting Hour, Julie talks to Molly Kaiman, an Alexandria VA mom and “accidental activist” fighting for the return of school resource officers (school-based police officers) in her city’s public schools. Tune in to hear Molly’s own personal story and why her experience growing up in poverty and with an abusive parent drives her to fight for the safety of all children.


TRANSCRIPT

Julie Gunlock:

Hey everyone. I’m Julie Gunlock, host of the Bespoke Parenting Hour. For those new to the program, this podcast is focused on how parents should custom-tailor their parenting style to fit what’s best for their families, themselves, and most importantly, their kids. So today I have my good friend, Molly Reed Kaiman on the show. She is a resident of Alexandria, Virginia. She’s been here for 26 years. She’s a mother of an eighth grader and a 10th grader in Alexandria City Public Schools. And she started the group Return SROs to ACPS. SROs of course stands for school resource officer. She started it in September of 2020 when the school resource officers, these are the police officers in the schools, were taken out of the schools, and the community of Alexandria saw an increase in violence in the school.

So she’s been working really hard to bring those SROs back. Molly has an interesting story though. She had a really tough childhood. She’ll tell us a little bit about that. And I think it is, I think she would say that it was her tough childhood that really gives her sort of the fire in her belly to fight for other children’s safety, and education. So excited to introduce, and really bring on, my friend Molly. Molly, thank you so much for joining me today.

Molly Kaiman:

So glad to be here. Thanks for having me.

Julie Gunlock:

So Molly, you are a hero in my community to an awful lot of parents. You started this organization Return SROs to ACPS. I mentioned that in the intro and I don’t think, certainly here in Alexandria, you’re sort of famous for that, but for listeners, this has been a really tough issue for city residents and certainly for residents who send their kids to the public schools. Just tell us a little bit about that organization and how it’s going and sort of the status of SROs in the schools.

Molly Kaiman:

The city council overrode the school board and the principal, even the superintendent of Alexandria City Public Schools, city council voted to defund the SRO program. So it was all part of defunding the police, and that’s where it all started. And of course the city council decided to not listen to the principal, not listen to the superintendent, not listen to the school board, and pulled the school resource officers from the schools. I mean, they certainly didn’t pull the police officers from their city council meetings. There are still police officers there at every city council meeting, which makes no sense. So they decided to affect our children first. So I just got very concerned. I went and gave a school board speech September 8th, 2021. And that was just a couple of weeks after the school year had started with no school resource officers. I gave a speech and it was just, I mean, everything about it, to the school board, to city council. I mean, it was just appalling that they decided to do this.

So when they did, violence started escalating at Alexandria City High School, and you could see that it was spilling over outside of school, into the parking lots, there’s a shopping center adjacent to the high school. And apparently there was a scuffle in the school and they walked out and a shooting occurred in the parking lot of a high school. So everything just went crazy and I just wanted to make a difference. I just felt so strongly. So I just started posting on social media that I was concerned about the lack of SROs, the removal of the SROs, and what was going to happen. The kids had not had, they’d been out because of the pandemic, so they had some issues with, I mean, I guess social issues.

Julie Gunlock:

Yeah, of course.

Molly Kaiman:

I guess some people had been in their houses for a year locked up. And they’re teenagers, so, they come into the school and the violence escalated. So I started posting on social media that I was concerned. I started getting videos from many people of these fights at the schools. And then the superintendent came out with a directive saying no more videotaping at schools.

Julie Gunlock:

Oh, how convenient.

Molly Kaiman:

I think they were very concerned. Very concerned about, well, about the publicity and what was being said.

Julie Gunlock:

Well, exactly. And let’s be clear about that. Okay. I love that that’s his concern, like not actually getting control of the situation, but please don’t advertise that our school is completely out of control and I myself am not in control of the situation.

Molly Kaiman:

Well, exactly.

Julie Gunlock:

Yeah, but I want to say one more thing. These videos are part of the reason that your group got started and that parents were actually aware of how bad it had gotten.

Molly Kaiman:

Absolutely. Right. Because the school was not communicating with the parents at all, zero. And whenever I got a couple of these videos and I was able to share with different people, I think that’s whenever the whole city decided, oh my gosh, this is out of control. We have to do something. We need to be concerned about the safety and security of our students, and then, that’s how it all started, just with a social media post and then getting videos and then sharing with people. I met with city council members, had virtual calls with city council members, because we were still sort of in a lockdown, and talked with them. I mean, only the ones that were pro-SRO that wanted to maintain the safety and security in our schools.

Julie Gunlock:

But Molly, let’s just talk about those city council members. The ones that are really dug in, the really, really dug in ones that really refused even to meet with you, I think at first, I think later on, you might have had communication with them. Just answer a quick question. We’re talking, and again, I don’t want to get too hyper-local here, because we have listeners from all over the country, but this is Alexandria, Virginia, and we have two council members named Canek, and another one named Chapman, do they have kids in the public schools?

Molly Kaiman:

No, no, no. Canek does not even have children, does not even have children, is not even from this area. He’s from California. And then John Chapman, he has just a toddler, and he did not attend public schools. He did grow up in Alexandria, but he was fortunate enough to, blessed enough, I guess, privileged enough to go to a private school here in Alexandria.

Julie Gunlock:

Yeah. Which probably does have private security.

Molly Kaiman:

Right. I’m certain they’re not having the brawls that we were having here at our public school in Alexandria. Definitely not.

Julie Gunlock:

I feel like in the, oh, I’m sorry, go ahead.

Molly Kaiman:

No, so I think that they don’t even know, those two council members, I mean I wonder if they’ve ever stepped foot into a public school. Just the middle school alone has 400 children in seventh grade, or 400 children in sixth grade. 1,200 students, just the middle school alone. And any parent who’s even walked into the middle school when they change classes, it’s pretty overwhelming. I mean, anything could happen in those schools. They don’t have metal detectors.

Julie Gunlock:

It certainly was overwhelming for my 50-pound soaking wet sixth grader who started at that middle school and who would come home, not only with this really interesting vocabulary of words that he was called that day, but also bruises from being shoved onto the ground because the school is so overcrowded. Let’s be very clear. I don’t know exactly when this school was built. I believe it was probably around the ’30s. It certainly has an art deco sort of style. So I’m not sure if it’s ’30s and ’40s, this is an extremely, extremely small school for 1,200 students. And my son was regularly, and again, as most of my most regular listeners know, I pulled my children out of this school, but I have friends like you, whose children are in the high school now, but certainly went through the middle school. And we sort of all know, we all sort of like wink at each other because we know like, oh man, you survived the middle school.

This building has asbestos, the kids are constantly evacuated because of gas smells and gas leaks. Half the water fountains are shut down because of contamination. My son saw rats in the building. I mean it just is so gross. But Hutchings, the superintendent, makes $300,000 a year. I mean, base salary and benefits, he’s high on the hog. And then you’ve got the city council members who went through private school or aren’t even from here who don’t really care about the massive problems. And of course at the city central office, it always strikes me as so “central office,” I feel like the Russian Anthem should play, the Soviet Anthem should play behind, “central office.” They are so top heavy. They have so many staff. There’s not a lot of teachers, certainly not a lot of paraprofessionals. The special ed situation is a disaster in Alexandria, Virginia.

And yet we have… There’s like 15 random assistants, I mean, you should see, I feel like I’m taking over the interview here, but I mean, my God, the PR section, there’s like what, 40 people in comms. And of course, I get it. They’ve got a tough job to make Hutchings look good. That’s no easy job, but it is just astonishing to me what we deal with in this extremely wealthy community. And the amount of funding, $18,000 per child, $36,000 for IEP students, special needs students. So this is a wealthy district, and the fact that not only are they not fixing the sort of structural problems, but then to sort of strip the schools of the SROs and see this massive sort of spike in violence. I’d like to know the status. I know that because of your efforts, because of your efforts, one woman’s effort. I love that SROs were brought back into the schools, but they’re out again, or what’s the status now?

Molly Kaiman:

No. Okay. So yes, they were brought back in, and then December, just before, so just before December, a former student at the Alexandria City High School, which is formerly known as TC Williams High School, a former student made an allegation, filed a complaint with the police, Alexandria Police Department saying that there were some inappropriate texts back and forth between she and one of the SROs when she was at school there. And I believe, I don’t know for sure, but I believe she’s been out of school for two years. I just wonder why, I mean, there was a time when we went through this whole Me Too movement, we were encouraging people to speak up about things that had happened. All these ladies, speak up about things that have happened to you that are inappropriate, or rapes or sexual assaults or even sexual misconduct at your work or your school. And we didn’t hear a peep from her until the SROs were put back in the schools and things calmed down. And we were getting back to hopefully trying to educate our children.

So now they’ve removed the two specially trained SROs, and this is special training you have to go to, you learn other techniques, I mean, de-escalation techniques for teenagers. I mean, there’s rigorous training that they go through to be special, specialized as an SRO, qualified as an SRO. So they were put back in the school, doing well, now they’ve been pulled the beginning of December, of course, again, no communication from Alexandria City Public Schools to the parents. So none of the parents had an idea. The only way I even found out was a news story, a local news story posted this, a local online news source. And so I started doing some research, I contacted the principal, sent him an email, sent him two emails, no response, sent an email to the superintendent, with the high school principal CCed on it.

And I said, “I want an answer. I have people that are asking questions. People want to know, we’re parents, we deserve to know. What’s going on? Where are the SROs? What are you doing in lieu of the SROs if you’ve removed them? Do you have police officers there for safety and security?” Didn’t respond, didn’t respond until Christmas break, I finally, after sending several emails and telling the superintendent, because the superintendent brushed me off in an email and said, “Oh, Principal Balas from Alexandria City High School will respond to you.” Well, he never did.

So I sent Dr. Hutchings back, the superintendent back an email and said, “Well, he didn’t respond. He hasn’t respond. And the kids go back a few days. I want to know what safety and security measures are in place.” And so, finally, I get a message from Balas, Principal Balas. And he said that, yes, we do have police officers in the same area. It was a very general email. And so I sent him back in email and I said, “No, I want to know, are there police officers inside the building?” I don’t want police officers, if you see these fights, and you see the videos of these fights, I don’t want police officers in the perimeter of the parking lot. I don’t want them across the street. I want our schools, I want safe learning spaces for everybody in Alexandria. That’s my deal.

Julie Gunlock:

Molly, we are running up against the clock at this point, but I do want to ask one additional question. And this is really about you. We are friends, we’re good friends. And I know a bit about your background and I mentioned this in the intro, I know you had a tough childhood and certainly it’s up to you how much you want to disclose, but has that part of your life, of your history of your childhood really made you a little bit, sort of more concerned about kid’s safety in terms of from abuse and from physical abuse and mental abuse, verbal abuse? Has that sort of lit a fire under you, when you saw kids facing this danger?

Molly Kaiman:

Oh absolutely, yeah.

Julie Gunlock:

Tell me how your own really struggle growing up, and you have a pretty compelling story has sort of made you turn into sort of this accidental activist.

Molly Kaiman:

Right? Right. Yeah. I never wanted to be an activist. I don’t even, that term, I don’t know. It just disagrees with me, but yeah, I mean, I grew up, I grew up with free lunch tickets. We grew up going to the food banks, we got evicted. My father was not present. I think my father drove a diesel truck, was absent for three weeks, and looking back, I’m certain that was on purpose. My mother was abusive, she got pregnant with me and then always blamed me for having this terrible relationship with my father, and made it very clear, this is your fault that your father’s not here. My father had extramarital affairs all over the country whenever was traveling and trucking.

And my mother was very abusive, hated me, hated me as a child, would make it very clear. I mean, school was my saving grace. I mean, we had safe schools where I grew up, it was my saving grace. The teachers looked after me. They would call Child Protective Services and Child Protective Services would come out and without, I mean, that’s why I think that everybody deserves, first of all, I think education is key to escaping whatever kind of environment you’re in. That’s what’s so great about the United States of America, you can work hard and you can study and get an education and better yourself. But we need to start by making sure that it’s a safe place to learn, just to make sure that if somebody else out there, I mean, I’m a Caucasian girl. People would not even imagine that I had such a terrible, terrible, terrible heartbreaking childhood.

Julie Gunlock:

In fact, they would call you privileged. I mean, you are privileged class simply because of your skin color.

Molly Kaiman:

Correct. And if they only knew and only knew how I grew up and where I grew up and saw the different homes that we had to live in, barely habitable. I mean, I’ve gone hungry for two days at a time, completely hungry. I clearly remember being in third grade, and we were living in a motel because my father had moved us to East Texas, and we were living in a motel for a month and he was off driving his diesel truck. I mean, so we ran out of food and money, and I clearly remember just drinking tap water for two days. So there are situations like that. Here in the city of Alexandria, certainly there are children that are getting their only meals to eat at school.

And certainly there are children that are being abused by their mother while their father isn’t present, getting the you know what beat out of them at home. And so don’t they deserve a safe place to come? And the second topic is education. We need to work on our academics because again, education is key. It’s key to making yourself a better person.

Julie Gunlock:

Molly, you are-

Molly Kaiman:

So that’s why I continue to fight and do what I do. I just want everybody to have a safe learning space here in the city of Alexandria.

Julie Gunlock:

Well, I will tell listeners, Molly is also well known in Alexandria for being one of the nicest people, most welcoming, most cheerful, joyful people, it’s absolutely contagious. I’m in a better mood now, after talking to you, Molly.

Molly Kaiman:

I love it.

Julie Gunlock:

Your story does sort of break my heart a little bit and I’m so glad that you’re here using your experience as a child and your experience really suffering as a child to, to help other children. It’s so important. And I’m really grateful for you coming on the podcast to tell your story. And keep fighting, Molly. You know I’m always on your side and will do what I can to help you, but it’s great to talk to you today. Thanks so much for coming.

Molly Kaiman:

Awesome. Thank you for having me.

Julie Gunlock:

Thanks everyone for being here for another episode of the Bespoke Parenting Hour. If you enjoyed this episode or like the podcast in general, please leave a rating or review on iTunes. This helps ensure that the podcast reaches as many listeners as possible. If you haven’t subscribed to the Bespoke Parenting Hour on iTunes, Spotify, Google Play, or wherever you get your podcast, please do so so you won’t miss an episode. Don’t forget to share this episode, and let your friends know that they can get Bespoke episodes on their favorite podcast app. From all of us here at the Independent Women’s Forum, thanks for listening.